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Almost Lover

written by: Amanda Eifert

@mandibelle16

 

To my almost lover, there are no words,
They're stuck in my throat and they sear and burn.
To my almost lover, I prayed for you always,
No matter I knew deep down, you could never be mine.
To my almost lover, I’ve never felt like this,
Though my existence in your life was brief,
I miss you, and want so badly to talk to you.
My almost lover, we were never meant to be,
It's Christmas time and you hold your newborn son,
The blond near by so beautiful despite --
She's only just had your first born.
It's what I wanted for you,
But it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.
My almost lover you’re a chip in my soul,
And the chip keeps enlarging, cracking,
It's out of control and I'm but broken china plates.
You don't remember me the way I remember you,
And in the end, I had to settle for praying for you.
Almost lover, it's Christmas time and you’ve a family,
Your life is blissful, but I don’ t really know.
We could never connect in the right terms,
I put you on a pedestal, and yet underneath,
I loved the man still, but you are not mine.
I was never your girl, almost lover,
What made me no fun? What made me you forget?
While the memories haunt me to this day still,
I breathe and I move on;
But there is no one like you.
Though you’re a person I don’t know now, I think --
It's time to stop having a crush? To let my prayers --
Be answered and be happy for you and your babe?
For your real girl, your partner, your soon to be bride?
My almost lover, I hang onto threads.
It's Christmas Eve, I should be joyous instead.
But I remember more than ten-years ago,
Knowing these days would one day come.
You'd never choose me, I couldn't choose you,
And the part of me that loved you, aches painfully.
Almost lovers, they’re the worst,
They break you as real lovers never could.
Never knowing what could’ve been, it's throbbing ache,
Potential lost, and years stolen away.
But, it never came to be,  so it wasn't meant to be.
Almost lover, I bid goodbye, and my heart it –
Beats and there's this hole inside, it doesn't heal.
Almost lover never mine, I'm afraid,
That my heart's settled and nothing to you compares.
That I'm stuck in my ways, too tired to be brave,
Almost lover, you’ll never know,
I wished so much for your happiness.
And even though it kills, it's alright I'll get through it,
A few tears, some wine, a few good times to dull my mind.
Almost lover, I never forgot, how your blue-eyes held me,
And they’ve never let go.
One day I'll find a better you, but today it still hurts,
Because she’s your girl, the one happy with you

 

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:
Poem based off personal experiences with thoughts of the song "Almost Lover" a song by A Fine Frenzy.

Amanda Eifert

Amanda Eifert

Amanda is a freelance writer and creative writer from Alberta, Canada. She loves the sports scene in her home city, to take courses, learn new things, hang with friends and family, and do yoga. She has also had poetry and short fiction published online in Sicklit Magazine, Silver Bells Press, Her Heart Poetry on Instagram and recently in “An Anthology of Cinderella Retellings: Cinderella Retellings” on Amazon in paperback.
Amanda Eifert

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