Dear Brother
written by: Sydney Chandler
@syds180turn
You told me we were family and that we were all we had. You made me believe that you were my dear brother. You became a part of who I was as a person and as your surrogate sister, you were my confidant, protector and best friend; everything that being a strong family unit should be…or so I thought.
But through it all, I was lying to myself about the person you really are. I saw the signs, but I chose to ignore them. I heard the poisonous words, but I chose not to hear them. I witnessed the abhorrent behavior, but I decided to make excuses for it. I was your enabler, but as with everything with you dear brother, I was expendable and no longer deemed a necessary piece of your life’s puzzle.
You were a demon hiding in plain sight, but I looked at you as a saint and was blinded to your malevolence. You were never who I thought you were dear brother and regrettably, neither was I. I prided myself on my strength, intelligence and the ability to see through a façade, yet you were stealth. You drew me in like a vortex and absorbed not only my sanity, but my self-respect.
You controlled me dear brother with fear; fear of being alone, fear of having no one who truly understood me, fear of never having the closeness of a family because you knew my biological family perished. You found my weakness dear brother, and manipulated it for sport. You laughed with me in public as a brother should, but loathed me in private as an enemy always will.
You pierced my soul, charred my heart and kept me on a cruel never-ending emotional rollercoaster of both exhilaration and misery. You lifted me up with false praise and pulled me down with a serpent’s tongue. You left my spirit bruised, battered and beaten but ultimately dear brother, my spirit wasn’t defeated.
I take no solace in knowing that I was not your only victim; you’ve left a trail of tears wherever you’ve been. YOU dear brother, are a dark spirit who is cursed to destroy anyone who dares to love you.
As I have now purged you from my life, I looked in the mirror and the reflection I see is a woman I had become all too unfamiliar with; she is brave, fearless and the BOSS of her life and destiny. She is the ME dear brother, I lost with you. Never again will I fall victim to locking myself inside of a prison built with denial and destructive love.
I am now free, wide awake and can see life and people through clear lenses. The lies I told myself about you dear brother, were that you loved me as much as I loved you. THAT dear brother is a journey into an uncomfortable truth I will be forever grateful that we took together.
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