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DEATH SPIRAL

written by: Rochelle Foles

@shellilouwho

 

the
TIDAL

                                e s                                              r
w                    v                               o                     o
              a                                            f            s
                                                                                              r
                                                                                                  o
                                                                                                      w

she'd been holding at bay

thru
busy-ness beyond comprehension

retail therapy out of control

blind staring
at mindless
tv shows
so late into the

                                wee hours
                              even the stars were sleeping,

 

told of a story that she wasn't speaking
                                          to the world
                                                     no, not even whispering to
                                                                 her
                                                           reflectioninthedark

unbeknownst
to even her own
soul
she
was

frantically
– clinging —

    to
any.        t.    h.    I.    n.    g.
    that might remotely feel like
CONTROL

in the
chaos

thatdeathafterdeathafterdeath

had

sent her known reality

her c
            o
            r
            e
    beliefs

the entirety of her known world

the
love
         joy
         sunshine

she had lived so happily in
for so many years

spinning  —  so  —  far  —  away  —
galaxies                                                  b.          y o.      n.      d.
what
her [[[[[inner]]]]]
    voice
    had
alwaysandeverbeforethis
spoken
from
her

hєαrt σf gσld

her
ᏆᏒᏌᎬ ᏁᎾᏒᏆᎻ

calming her thru all experiences

save this.

this experience was all to foreign.

 

the words from the old ones had always come thru before.
had always found her.

that
wisdom
                  passed
                                            from generation
                                            to generation

 

the knowingness that this life leads to better worlds
                                            higher ground
                                            further sight
                                            experiences beyond imagining
on this
                                                                      plainplane

had been the knot she'd clung to
when the rest of the rope had
given way

but in this moment-

       her life
              was turned
nwodedispu
              &
supmawytak
                            allmixedup
she felt
OVERWHELMED
    by
the losses
of those
she loved

heart and soul
through and thru to her core.

lost in those

                                                      o     r
            v   e                                                     s                     r
      a                        s                            f                                            o
w                      o                                                   w

that felt
unending

sunamisaftertidalwavesafterhurricanesofemotionsunrelenting

such incredible

alone
begets
alone
begets
a lone
begets
a low ne
begets
a low hand
begets
longing
that requires
pen
that requires partner
paper

and together

conjure
form from heartache

words

replace
inaction with traction

-
every letter formed
reincarnating
reclaiming
a
tear
              d
              r
              o
              p

and so.
it began.

s.    l.    o.    w.    l.    y.

                                 r     r
                            o               o
replacing   s                 w
with a bigger view

a memory
of all the love that each
loss
had filled her with
to overflowing

and it was
mindfully drawn,

this new existence,

letter by letter
lovedrop
replacing
teardrop

rewriting
her experience
of
love and loss

of sorrow

and

existence

on this
                                                              plainplane

she

found herself guided

    to higher ground
                                          in order to have further sight.
she had clung
                                 whiteknuckled
                                 to the knot
                                                                        and heard the whispers of the generations

she had come home
to the wisdom
that lies under the sunamis of sorrow.

she found the key

it is

everandallways

love.

 

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:
I lost 24 friends in 28 months.

it was beyond bearing.

4 years later
thru
my
heartache
and tears
I put pen to paper

and this
is the
result.

it's somehow
less
huge
after
seeing it this way.

I realized I haven't really lost them

as they will always
and all ways
live in my heart

Rochelle Foles

Rochelle Foles

When I was 11 I lived in a tiny, sleepy, country town in the Sierra foothills. Some of the greatest excitement I could find was getting lost in books my incredibly insightful librarian snuck to me to check out in secret.
She introduced me to my first, and to this day, greatest literary heroes and inspirations, E.E. Cummings, T.S. Elliot, Edgar Allen Poe, Walt Whitman, Elizabeth Barrett Browning...and then there were the romantic mystery paperback writers my mother read to balance my budding intellect out!
I wanted my thots, my words, to be remembered, to be memorable, to impact people's lives.
Last February I was published for the first time.What a feeling of validation! Of being heard n seen n understand in all my shorthand n crazy spelling n trailing thots!
Then I was published again, and yet again, and my mouth has yet to stop gaping. I'm not sure I'm a poet. I just know it's An incredible feeling every time I put my visions to paper via my pen and am given the opportunity to share them.
Thank you for reading and witnessing my world.
Rochelle Foles

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