written by: TM DiSarro
She drifted off to peaceful sleep
While I was waiting for the dawn
Struggling for illusive breaths
Until those breaths were gone
Precious air like thoughts surround us
Searching for those perfect words
The ones that precisely describe a scene
To set the stage for tragedy
or articulating magnificent love
Words that change the meaning of a moment…
From a love that last forever
To a love that’s gone forever
Last to gone or gone to last
Future present becomes past
To rainbows ends or God above
So much for forever love
Slipped away so quietly
While I was waiting for a sign
A miracle of tender words
To bring the room to life again
Raise your shallow breaths to overflowing
To speak into your lungs like air
But there were no words left to give
To show me just how much you cared
That you were even there, watching her,
Only sounds that spoke of departing
Partial sounds so difficult to fathom
Tearing at my heart as I listened
Speaking a language all her own
That only I understood in the moment
In syllables and fragments
creating the context of a word or words…
Words like Lover, Heartbreak, Missing.
Words like Don’t Leave,
Don’t Die, Goodbye…
Blessed words to save a life,
The subtlety of death conforms to our view of life…
Looking through a paper towel tube we see a small world…our world or everything that was.
Molding into shapes just like clay is crafted into a vase
or maybe some sacred vessel
to hold your ashes like the temple of your soul.
Creating a shrine in a corner of the living room.
Maybe an electric candle on a timer.
Maybe a real flame, a constant reminder
of Christmas, of you….
She drifted off to peaceful sleep…
Holding her limp hand, moist and motionless, thin fingers lilting over mine
Fractured breath drawing in and out like words without form sucking in the surrounding space of my pain
Pulling in angels from the air
outside of my sorrow
Trying as best I can to comfort you
on your journey into unknown realms
As hours pass slowly into lifetimes
Minutes into disparity
Seconds into hopelessness
As time conforms to sorrow
And longing takes on vast dimensions
Far beyond this little house
This tiny space
This sacred bed we used to share
Drifting towards Christmas day
Close enough but not quite there…
Time of death: 11:41
No longer a time of joy
as this day unfolds to a day
This fleeting hour of a Savior's birth
Marking the time of your departing
A calendar date burned in my mind
A Christmas card written out to your memory
To share in the space of what is considered a holiday
No stars above to guide us home
To mark your dying as a birth
To let the nations know your name
Who you are, who you were and your worth to humanity, to community, to me.
Who you were in spirit, flesh and bone
No solemn shepherds counting sheep, saving sheep, watching over pastures of plenty
Finding rest by still waters
Walking through the shadowed Valleys
No wise men in the service of kings
Bringing gifts as testament to the glory of your name
Showering praise on heavenly children
Just angels waiting in the wings of time
To take you home. Another home.
A definition of a life in transition
Presented in a word…Leaving.
Leaving this house, this home, this bed and my side.
Stepping into a future that is yours and not for me to know.
A future of two hearts that were, now was never meant to be, never was to be.
On this solemn day of consumer elation
Testifying as I write this epitaph to sadness and remembrances to
My best friend,
My sweet love,
©2016 TM DiSarro/MindScapesPublishing
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:
From the collection PURGATORY ROAD
Based on impressions from a friend's wife passing on this past Christmas Eve