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Just Because It's Bad Doesn't Mean It Wasn't Beneficial

written by: devereaux frazier

@marylandpoet

 

Old songs
traverse paths so long
Long ago, seeming to be the best way
they robbed you blind
stabbed you in the heart
drank the blood
and took everything but your life away
You gotta live with more
than battle wounds
and traces of war paint
You have to live
with real wounds, too deep to relay
real holes in this breakable skin
Maybe the rape was a punishment for your sin
or maybe that's what the therapist wanted you to believe
Stupid white jacket and fancy car
she'll go home, pretty and happy
and plenty of money in her ceramic jar
It's easy to show the way
from a castle on a mound
but harder when you actually live the life
and everyday is spent retreating from the battleground
Life kicks your ass
nine times out of ten
then sends out scouts
just in case you didn't get the lesson
"Oh, you're doing fine, just keep believing!"
Easy for you to say, it's not your arm that's under this knife
bleeding
People are hilarious, just comical
thinking a pill, or a diet, or exercise
will cure the ill
"People with Asperger's just need more practice around people"
The fuck?
Did your clearly non-existent brain get run over
by a twenty-two ton freight truck?
You can't practice
late night shivers
or midday fears
of a birthday party
or get-together
that's unfortunately so near
You can't prepare
for anxiety
despite speaking politely
and wearing nice clothes
they make fun of you
because "playing the game", you just don't know
People who seem to have all the answers
are the furthest from the problem
and when shit hits the fan
mysteriously, you can never call them
They don't have the balls
to live in the midst of raging, internal fear
They don't have the guts
to swallow anxiety, and play nicely
day after day, for seventeen years
I've left people behind
Not because of hate, but I just don't have the kind
of mind to hide my weakness
Be the Charming
to your Cinderella?
You'd find my social graces alarming
and in a crowd, I'm speechless
Folie et deux
you, my heart and you, my head
Every step
I dread

devereaux frazier

devereaux frazier

Baltimorean poet and blogger. Published on Teen Ink, with four articles winning the Editors Choice Award, and Literary Arts Review. Article titled "Less Than Human" featured in Teen Ink's magazine. Lead Kansas Chiefs Chiefs writer for KCSportsNation. Currently writing a YA novel.
devereaux frazier

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