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SELECTIVE MEMORY

written by: TM DiSarro

@tmdisarro

 

There was something I wanted to say
A word that was on my lips
A thought inside my head
Seems that I forgot it now
Before I had a chance to speak it
To write it down, to make a note
Now I’m racking my brains
Trying to remember when or what

Probably was not important anyway
But then again, maybe it was
It will come to me at 2 am or 3

I don’t sleep much lately.

Or maybe after breakfast tomorrow
Or while I’m driving to work
Oh, that’s right, I don’t drive
For that matter, I don’t work
I miss driving though, pretty sure I do
Hands on the wheel, passing cars
Listening to the radio
Going places
Yes, I miss driving

Who knows for sure
It’s so hard to remember
They say I choose not to…
Remember.

Truth is, I’m afraid to remember
Frustrated that I can’t recall
And if I do, is it real?
Or something that I imagine
I don’t really care at this point
But then again, maybe I do

I used to care about things
I’m certain of it now
People, plants, dogs & cats
I used to have a pet…I think
Or maybe I was someone’s pet
Could someone have actually loved me?
Cared about my thoughts?
Or that I even once had thoughts
Who are those ones? Them? They?

Where are they now?

I look through these things on the floor
Scattered around this room I occupy
Searching for photos, anything familiar
Something to remind me
Where I’m from, where I’m going
That reminds me…

There was some place I wanted to go
I can’t remember exactly where
Out of town or out of this room
A secret place I used to go
To look at her things
To touch her again
She has so many faces
I know I want to go somewhere
Any place but here

This is no where I want to be
White walls and no windows
Light bulb in the center
Hurts my eyes and makes…
Strange shadows on the wall
Looks like a face…
Her face.

That reminds me…
There is a girl I used to know
A woman, not a girl
She was a friend I think
Or maybe she was a lover
I can’t really remember for sure
All I know is when I think about her
It hurts inside
I think she broke my heart
I know she did me wrong

Or maybe it was me…
Maybe I did her wrong
Did I do her wrong? They?
Them wrong?
I remember she was sleeping
In our bed, in her bed, in my bed
A bed in a dark room
Much like this one
Yes, she was asleep and dreaming
No, not so much a dream
It was a nightmare
She was having a nightmare about…About…About…

Me!

That’s why I’m here
Why I can’t remember
Don’t want to remember
I can’t remember!
I won’t remember!
and that’s final!
You can’t make me!

But…there was something…

There was some…thing

something…I wanted to say.

 

©2017 TM DiSarro / MindscapesPublishing

TM DiSarro

TM DiSarro

I do not consider myself a writer but I love to write. Neither a poet but I love poetry. I steal bits and pieces of time to scratch out ideas on note books, laptops and cell phones. I live and work in Florida fabricating custom canvas and other fabric products and sometimes costumes.
TM
TM DiSarro

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