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Telling The Truth, For Once

written by: devereaux frazier

@marylandpoet

 

People say
my end game used to be
wanting to not
be bothered
and they're right
it wasn't
I just discovered who I was
four years ago
and only half of that
has been spent actually living
I didn't know, man
I didn't know who I was
Autism is a journey
I can't travel in a day
and I thought I could
I was scared
so I shut myself off
I didn't talk to anyone
not God
not family
I got into a lot of fights
because neither of us
knew who I was
or what I was
I hated myself
for being so conceited
and yet divided
by this pain I felt to be heard
and yet kept secret
but when I discovered writing
I realized I didn't want to be alone
there was a whole world out there
I had to know
I don't know as much as I should
and too much for someone my age
but everyday I live
is another incredible page
my end game used to be
not wanting to be bothered
now it's about balance
being true to myself
but also to my family
I think they don't know me
and could probably respond better
to who I am
but if I woke up without them
I'm just like everybody else
I'm grateful that they changed for me
nobody else has
maybe I don't show it
I'm terrible at conveying stuff like that
but I am
I've learned that my condition
doesn't just force people to accommodate
for me
but forces me to be respectful
of them too
it's why I've opened up
in ways I didn't before
hoping to take back the time
stolen from before
if you're related to me
a friend
or someone just crossing paths
I'm grateful for what you've done
and I hope I can do the same for you
because family is all that matters
and no one deserves
to be left behind

devereaux frazier

devereaux frazier

Baltimorean poet and blogger. Published on Teen Ink, with four articles winning the Editors Choice Award, and Literary Arts Review. Article titled "Less Than Human" featured in Teen Ink's magazine. Lead Kansas Chiefs Chiefs writer for KCSportsNation. Currently writing a YA novel.
devereaux frazier

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