written by: roger turner
A nice cruise from New York, I thought
From down by Pier two-one
I thought I'd head to England
For a good old spot of fun
An Ocean trip, some nice fresh air
Eleven days at sea
I thought this would perfect to
Help inspire me
I'd never been to Europe
So I did some reading first
The history's insane there
The books did quench my thirst
I couldn't wait to get there
To travel all around
And take all sorts of pictures
To show folks what I'd found
On board, I met a punter
A real hard boiled chap
He told me of "his England"
Not the funny, tourist crap
He asked where I was going
I said "I've no idea"
He told me that he'd show me things
As long as I bought beer
I asked him what he meant by this
He said "Just wait and see"
"I'll show you things...will curl your hair"
"You watch son, follow me."
He told me of a werewolf
Running loose in London town
He was killing folks in Soho
And they couldn't bring him down
He said "Two nights from now"
"The moon would be real nice"
"A full moon brings out werewolves son..."
"That's your first bit of advice"
I shuddered then, I wasn't sure
If "this England" would be right
But, I begged off from the table
And I settled for the night
My mind was working overtime
Nightmares and dreams came quick
And with the heaving on the water
I woke up to be sick
I went up on the deck to walk
And grab a little air
But who to my surprise was
by the railing standing there
He said "I thought you'd be here sooner
Isn't it a lovely moon?
Just a few more days to go
The werewolf walks real soon"
"Let's go and get a coffee"
"I figured I won't get back to sleep"
"And my nerves are really shaky"
"I know I won't sleep deep"
He said "Don't worry laddie"
"I've lots more tales to speak"
"But their stories for the hearty"
"And you son...seem so weak"
I asked him about Whitechapel
He said ...."Oh, Jack the Ripper"
"He murders girls down that way son"
I then peed in my slippers
"He goes around at night you see
And picks up girls in the night gloom
Then he takes them back and guts them
In the comfort of their room"
I thought, I wanted jolly stuff
Like palaces and such
This tour of London murder sites
Well, it seems a little much
I said "I've heard of Harley Street"
"Can we go there for a ride?"
He said "No problem son.."
"We might meet Mr. Hyde"
"Dr. Jekyll drinks this stuff
That turns him to a beast
The monster's name is Mr. Hyde
It's in London...to the east."
I thought, this isn't what
I signed on to go see
I didn't want the next victim
To end up being me.
I said "Is there a place that's safe at all?"
He said "I can take you by the palace"
"We can go walk up the mall"
I said "that would be perfect"
"That doesn't sound so hard"
He said "Just watch for Moriarty"
"Sherlock Holmes and Scotland Yard"
At this point I got up and said
"I think I'm off to bed"
"All this talk of horror"
"Caused an aching in my head"
I said "I think, I'll just move on
And travel somewhere like Albania"
He said that I must see His friend
in southern Transylvania.
He said Mr. Van Helsing
Would take me for a tour
And with what I'd see in Europe
I'd forget the London gore.
I thanked him and I went to bed
And I then asked him his name
"'Dracul' he said...but call me 'Vlad'"
"I'm sure we'll meet again"
I changed my plans, went to my room
And I figured "What the heck"
But I have this one last question
"Why was he staring at my neck?"