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When I Used to be a Goddess

written by: Viktoria Nikola

@ViktoriaNNK

 

When I used to be a goddess in the life passed long ago
I must have lived amongst the stars, in a cosmic gemmed château
Crystal columns dressed in moons opened to my g’lactic yard
Where I’d catch the raining diamonds broken from old starry shards

Shooting comets, dancing clouds, rings of planets, glittered mounds
From my balc’ny’s view I’d see heaven waltzing round and round
And I’d flash across this lot, steering loyal stallions
Suns in my hair and in my gown, glowing like medallions

But now in the world around me, in every shadow of each nook
I wonder where my stars are. To find the light where must I look?
Where are those twirling comets, that intergalactic ball?
Where is the music swirling that so easily all enthralled?

Where is my crown of gold suns? It’s too dark in this life for me
When is this blizzard ending? Will it ever be calm at sea?
Perhaps I’ve dreamt up my greatness, though it feels real in my core
Perhaps I’m truly the goddess of dusting and sweeping the floor

Perhaps in my desperation to escape mediocrity
I believe I feel nostalgia when I see sky’s divinity
But I’ll hold onto this feeling, it’s the candle to my shade
For without it I shall shatter, lose my spirit and then fade

Viktoria Nikola

Viktoria Nikola

In 1991 my family and I immigrated to America from Russia. I didn't become fluent in English until I was about eight years old. Even so, I wrote my first poem in English when I was 12 and my first story when I was 13. However, instead of thinking "Eureka! I've found my calling!" I thought: "What an adorable hobby." In fact, since I was a musician’s daughter, my mind was set on becoming a musician. A violinist, a guitarist, a vocalist - any one of them would do.
Once I was accepted to UC Davis, however, I was far too busy with my classes to pursue a music career. I started studying history. Then picked up classics. I fell in love with the mysteries of the ancient world and began thinking of pursuing a Ph.D. in either subject. Or perhaps of becoming an archaeologist. However, after an unsuccessful archaeological internship, I decided against the scholastic world.
Eventually, I found my way to Traditional Chinese Medicine: part history, part philosophy, and big part natural therapeutics. I've always been attracted to holistic medicine and thought this was a nice blend of all the things I loved. However, after spending a few years in the Master's program for acupuncture, I realized something was still missing. That's when I sat down to write a poem, as I so often did when the muse called, but instead of a poem, a novel came pouring out. So here I am, still writing poetry and brainstorming my next few novels.
Viktoria Nikola

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