written by: Brian Wayne Smith
"What's up Mr. Smith? You don't seem yourself? What's on your mind? Remember no sense telling me "I'm good” or "I'm alright”. By the look on your heart something seems to be bugging you. So spill it."
"Feel like I'm being tested to the limits. Are you testing me to the limits?"
"What areas do your feel pressure?"
"All the areas that I want changed in my life."
"Did you think it would be easy? Bruh, you had issues. You've came a long way from when you hit bottom. It's going to take more than a few years to do a complete overhaul. The most important area inside of you has been healed. (Looking at my heart then staring me in the eyes)
Refresh my memories. What areas exactly did you want changed? "
"Really? Only time you forget is when you throw sin into the sea."
“Entertain me. Tell me anyway."
"The areas that I want change to happen in my life are; being able to trust fully and learn patience. I'm my own worst enemy most of the time. Get myself stressed out because I'm not patient enough. That's about it."
"So what's the problem? Just two things? Trust and patience. Right? Want me to snap my fingers and make that happen for you?"
"Could you do that?"
(Slow blinks) "Not happening. What I will do is point out everywhere that has improved. Let's start with the whole trust issues. One, you completely opened your heart to a woman after clearly telling me and I quote "I ain't ever getting married again. Fuck that shit." Now look at you. You're about to get married! Do you have any doubts about it this time?
"No. No I don't."
“I trust her. She's not going to hurt my heart or deceive me. Fell in love with her after one conversation. As much as I was willing to watch her leave I was praying she stayed. I knew she was the real deal. You answered prayer."
"You're welcome." (Polishing off nails on his chest) Now the second act of trusting was the house. Remember? That place where you rest your head at night. Have to admit that showed some brass tacks. When it comes to money and spending it; you're a beast! I'm kidding. You're more like a kitten. You play it safe."
"That's where it's getting harder for me. I like having a backup plan or a safety net. I've stepped way out of my comfort zone."
"After all the things you've been through. Did you ever have a backup plan? Huh? Huh? Well did you? Speak up. Can't hear you."
"No, I didn't. You had everything under control. By working through people and guiding me. Put all my trust in you. Truly didn't care how anything turned out because I was in good hands."
"Tell me, what is different now? (Church fingered me) Ssssssssshhh..... You're finally. Finally trusting me on a larger scale. It freaks you out. I get it. You're well out of your comfort zone. Though answer me this. Have I let you down yet?"
Lifting my left eyebrow staying silent.............
"Seriously, have I?"
"No, you haven't. Actually you've been a continuous blessing. When I sit and think about it. Whenever any problems would arise you made a way. Though sometime it seems like it's right at the last minute."
"Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! (Giving a smile as bright as the sun) You wanted to work on patience right? What better way to learn patience than to wait on me? I'm always on time; just not your time. Believe me Mr. Smith; I'm going to push you until you break. By the time I'm done almost nothing will trouble you. That's going to take a while so just go with it. Your resistance will only make it worst. What you have to learn is the things that are important for one season may not be as important the next season. Learning the lesson and retaining the skills are what’s most important. You’re going to use them again on a greater scale. Once you're ready. So simmer down now. The patience you're seeking; you have it already. Heeeeello? You're promised peace every day. One day at a time. Bruh, you really need to open your bible more. Get a refresher on what's promised to you. Got anything else for me?"
“Thank you. Thank you for pointing out the bigger picture. Thank you for refocusing what is truly important. You know what? Thank you for the peace that has come over me while this was being typed.”
I'm a husband, father, electronic engineering test technician, writer, and student. Life is busy but I'm striving to live my dreams with my great family that I love deeply. There are times when I feel like a failure. Then I look at how many times I've fallen just to dust myself off and continue running the race. Now I can look around at my life and see that my "failures" were just locked doors that God wasn't ready to open yet.