To be alive for me has always been a battle on a vast battlefield. Cloaked in darkness blood covered and dreary. Many casualties through the years, pieces of my personality of who I am buried on its ground. My blade now dull and my armour damaged and weak. I have no protection left against the enemy. Depression. Sitting high on its giant steed making its way towards me, sword held high a strike with force is certain. The only outcome is my demise. It will accept no less.
Tired, I’m just so tired. I’ve been in this war so long, on this battlefield fighting foot soldiers such as anxiety, low self esteem, sadness, exhaustion, loneliness, seclusion, self destruction for years and years. And though slowed down I’ve been a valiant opponent never willing to give in or give up. I’ve been severely injured before a few times. I’ve turned my back thinking I’d been victorious and been wrong. But I’ve healed and fought through. This time it’s different. This time I can see the damage. My armour hanging barely on, struck with force for so long now useless without repair. But with the war raging so strong there is no time for repair for rest or recharge. Every time I lay my sword down to catch my breath I can see depression growing stronger and getting closer. It seems to never need rest, never need repair as it has so many soldiers in its army. It has so much strength. How long can I battle? How long can I possibly keep going? Broken, damaged, scarred and defeated already. How can I possibly win and finally end this war started so long ago?
The only answer is to keep fighting! If I don’t fight I fall and falling isn’t an option. No matter how tired, how hurt. I need to accept this battle is never really going to stop. And so I shall steal armour from my fallen opponents, use their weapons to grow my arsenal. Grow strength from the small victories achieved during this war. Will I win?? Will this war eventually end?? I’m not sure, but I’m hopeful I can build my own army of belief, self worth and joy at least making depression’s job that much harder.