written by: Pranjal Srivastava
My existence has become delusional
That’s not me, walking and laughing with you, that’s just flesh and bones
I’m trapped somewhere else.
I see everyone I’m around, but that’s not me talking to you
I’m calling people but I guess, no one can hear me.
I’m held captive inside my own head!
The walls are thick, composed of overthinking and anxiety
Somehow, they are soft, not like the concrete walls you have seen outside
Every time, I try to break them, I get absorbed in them,
Then I get lost into oblivion.
I come out into the same cage again and I find that the walls shrunk a little
Initially, I thought it’s some level of intellectual transcendence which makes me a better writer
But I was wrong.
It was a bait set up by my own thoughts.
Now I know, what has happened to me
I’m a prisoner of my own thoughts.
Claustrophobic all the time, I try to help myself, I scream as loud as possible
It echoes inside my head and comes back to me only.
The only way to get out is to surrender myself to the darkness I embraced all these years.
But then I’ll lose myself for ever!
Everyone has started loathing me, I cry inside looking at myself
While the walls laugh at me!
Everyone is getting away from me and I can’t even stop them
It’s getting darker in here with every passing day.
There is always smoke in here, which has faces of all the people I love
They keep laughing at me, as if they’re happy without me
I know it’s all just a ruse
But what if it’s true?
Am I not worth saving?
Why is it so easy for people to let me go all the time?
Why does no one take any hint and ask about me?
Am I already forgotten or was I never remembered in the first place?
I’m getting mad here, all alone, surrounded by my fears
I gather all my courage and try to break the walls again
Lost in oblivion, yet again!
- Chaos - July 1, 2020
- Captive - October 1, 2019
- Self-Loathing - May 2, 2019