I Am So Tired
written by: Elaine W. Degro
I am so tired that my bones are in disarray.
They sing lullabies to themselves and for hope they pray.
They ask for forgiveness for they know not what they have done…
And they wonder if pain free will come from the sun.
I am so tired my hair drapes low to the ground.
It is brittle, broken, and when it breaks…it makes a sound.
My poor little strands sway like a weeping willow…
and remember the days of bountiful curls that would strongly grow.
I am so tired that my heart beats slowly against my chest.
It pumps and whispers “I need some rest”.
It’s bruised, scared, and full of wounds…
With each passing day, I feel it build its own tomb.
I am so tired that my lungs breathe in tears and exhale out cries…
They are best friends with my watery eyes.
And at night when they breathe in the quietness of the dark…
They let out loud whimpers as on lonesome dreams they embark.
I am so tired but no one sees me in that way.
They see me as a limitless wench on a sunny day.
But I am not. I am running on solo.
No fight left in me, no more “yolo”.
I live in exhaustion and it is what comforts me…
On days when we fight, it lights up from the deep.
And I glow in painful peril…
Nocturnal groaning of a human feral.
I am so tired and I wish the pain would go away.
Stay far from me and my limited days.
I am so tired and I wish I could sleep…
A night’s bliss without pain even in my feet.
What have I done to be granted such eternal painful bliss?
Who was I before? What have I missed?
And as I stop to rest for the day…
I use what is left to write my pain away.
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:
A poem about what it is to live with pain (fibromyalgia) and feeling tired all the time.
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