Priorities in Time Management
written by: Haji SM
Travel back seventy million years and see a T-Rex gobble up a Triceratops? Would that really be fun, though? After seeing all those Jurassic movies, it would probably be an anticlimax. Or five thousand years and find out how they really shifted those pyramid blocks? Boring. I know! Maybe creep up on Chapman just before he pulled the trigger on Lennon and ask what the hell he was doing? Also, at some stage, I would definitely storm the office of the first publisher I find and tell them to say yes! to any woman with JK as initials who comes knocking, with a small commission, of course.
These were just random thoughts that flashed through my mind when inventing this time machine. The more I thought about it, the more my head hurt. I should have planned this through more carefully, engrossed as I was in its construction rather than its purpose.
A million other things flashed at once. Stop Bruce Lee from eating that painkiller, check. And tell him to just kick Chuck Norris’ butt for real. Get Kurt Cobain to stay away from blondes, check. Give the King a stern lecture regarding colonels, friendships, and sandwiches, check. Maybe karate instructors, too, for good measure. Beg Bonham and Hendrix to cut down, check. Cancel toothbrush moustache, check.
Hmmm, should I start warning people about global warming? Punch the inventor of the smartphone? Set up a petition against eating bats? Would people believe me, though? I am still working on how to bring inorganic material along. For now, this machine could only transport flesh and bones. It would not be a good idea to arrive in the midst of a Viking dragonship in my birthday suit!
So, how does one know these things that were going to happen, the tragedies (from my perspective, anyway), then go back in time and convince people with just words? That would surely be a question to ask Einstein when I see him. I would get the answer from the man, shake his hand for giving hope to kids who got kicked out of school, and certainly force him to get a proper haircut, preferably with an undercut, and lose the moustache, check.
Then I should write a NYT’s bestseller. Which just gave me a brilliant idea! I could memorise Lord of the Rings and a few shorter favourites, go back a few decades, get a typewriter, gatecrash Orwell at his Scottish retreat, and start typing them out. No, that would not work; LOTR was published not long after 1984. I have to go back further still, but not before warning old George to stop smoking and get that awful cough looked into, pronto. It would be a pain having to type them books, though. I think I would rather just find a sixties music producer and sing Billie Jean whilst walking backwards.
Now I remember why I built this damn thing; go back ten years and tell my older brother I love him, double check.
- Priorities in Time Management - May 19, 2026
- The Rise and Fall of Mr Cruel - January 7, 2026
