So life when you’re old is reduced to one measly room in a house full of old men and ladies and staff who tell you what to do, when to eat, when to get up. Just a few paltry possessions- is that it? 90 years reduced to this?
He lost his license, his wife, his mind and now his home and I was instrumental in most of that. The one thing I can’t help him lose though – and the one thing he’d want me to help him lose– is life. I wish I could have given him death for his birthday. That’s all he wants. But I can’t. I don’t have that power. Just the power to do all those other things so that his life now has no meaning.
And I feel nothing- no joy, no happiness, no sadness, no pain- as though my soul is empty. I distance myself from everyone and everything. I’m closed in – just an empty shell doing what it has to do day to day.
I get up, do what I have to, go to bed; get up, do what I have to, go to bed. One day, just maybe, I won’t get up at all.
I’m sorry Dad. I wish I could help. I wish I knew what to do. But I don’t – not now, not ever.
But I will always love you and thank you for all the amazing things you did for me.
I am a mother and grandmother who enjoys writing but usually just for my own pleasure. I was born in Essex but spent many of my adult years in various overseas wherever my husband was working. I studied Sociology originally at University but began teaching English as a Foreign Language while abroad. On our return to the UK I began working in adult education teaching Literacy and Numeracy but always had a passion for Early Years education. As such I retrained and spent a number of years working as an early years practitioner, until I retired in November 2019. I now live in Leicestershire and have two grown up children and two young grandchildren with whom I love to play and read stories to.. During Lockdown I wrote a number of little short stories for them, which i recorded and shared with them just for fun. My first little children's story book Off to the Beach was published by Bumble Bee Books (part of Olympia Publishers) in April 2021. It really was a lockdown project!