written by: Amanda Eifert
The walls close in, I cannot breathe.
Sitting inhaling between my legs,
My breath is short, my throat constricted.
I will not play the victim,
Though anxiety and stress,
Isn’t something I handle well because —
A sickness lives and hurts me.
It’s not clear to everyone,
You can appear and sound well,
Yet, be caught in the Guinea Pig’s wheel,
Some kind of rotating Hell.
Release me from prison, I’m praying for help,
My God, my God, I feel alone.
A need to get this pain off of my chest,
I can’t breathe, feel asphyxiated.
Such tears redden my eyes, blank and bloodshot;
A blue so grey, it’s the eye of the suffocating storm.
You think it’s safe, but a dark madness comes fast,
Shaking and quaking you off your feet.
Turning you to mush, dust, particles of air.
Aren’t we all atoms, building cells — at a smaller level?
What makes it so such atoms creating cells form a being?
A pin cushion to be stabbed.
While cells of blood splash unto the floor.
Forsake me not;
Terrible days come out of nowhere.
I cannot think, I have no words.
Head pounding to a drums beat,
I think I might throw-up.
Careless words written, make me ill,
Shake my foundation,
Take away my control.
You have no clue how I feel.
After all these years, you believe you’ve solved me?
You’ve only picked a lock, in a chain of locks locked.
But you hurt with your writing — why didn’t you ask?
You’re shaking my world, I have no strength,
I’m not in the place you think I am.
You rock my foundations, I’m not doing well.
Answer me this, how could you think
Such pain as mine goes away, by blinking?
You haven’t solved the riddle,
You cause me confounding problems.
And a horrible day doesn’t end;
Tone of voice, sets off tears again.
You don’t treat me like an adult, only a child —
Because I’m forever screwing up.
I want out but, how do I escape?
For I find I’ve built, my own prison.
And you tighten the chains,
Until breath and blood flow flicker out,
Until everything which matters blows apart.
Until in the sky, float clouds, sunbeams radiant,
And the Eagles take me flying on their backs.
And I escape to poetry —
Such words which can’t be snatched.
©Mandibelle16. (2016) All Rights Reserved
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