Nineteen
written by: Luvya Sharma
I blew the candles,
the smoke curled like questions I couldn’t answer.
Nineteen stood beside me,
said, you’re not a kid anymore, you’re machinery now,
metal bones, ticking gears,
a body that runs on deadlines and unspoken fears.
They clapped, they laughed,
but I was searching for someone
not in the room.
A ghost, maybe from the past,
maybe from the future,
maybe just the version of me that never made it here.
I’ve been fighting all this while,
swinging at silence,
waiting for peace to settle like dust.
When will I be content?
Maybe never,
maybe the stars didn’t sign that deal with me.
And still, I’m a paradox,
an atheist whispering prayers into the dark.
I did it,
ticked off every box my eighteen had written,
but the joy I thought would flood me
never showed up.
Maybe what I wanted
wasn’t on the list at all.
- Nineteen - September 23, 2025
- Dinner with Myself - May 20, 2025
