Pretending
written by: Margit Horsky
I’ve always wished to be an actress, and this evening I gave my best performance. It was definitely not easy to eat, laugh, make jokes with Tommy, Dad, and her, as if nothing had happened. To swallow her lasagne as if it wasn’t as heavy as a stone dropping with a thump at the bottom of my stomach. And meanwhile smile.
She doesn’t know I saw her and Uncle Steve coming out of his flat, his arm around her shoulders, the satisfied look they gave each other. What were they doing there, when she should have been at work? What a question, it’s so obvious!
I had already suspected there was something going on between them. The way they smile at each other when they think nobody is looking at them. How they suddenly move apart when someone enters the room in which they were alone. Even the fake lightness with which he jokes with Tommy and me, and Dad – his brother- when Mum is looking at us.
I spotted them from afar so I could pretend I hadn’t seen them and be as good-humoured as usual with my friends, even though I wanted to cry out. I should have looked straight into her eyes, challenged her. But I didn’t dare. I was too shocked.
I need to think before doing something. Should I talk to Dad? Or to Uncle Steve? Maybe I should simply pretend I haven’t seen anything. Or perhaps I should confront her and listen to her excuse, she surely has one. Then I could pretend I believed her, and everything would be back to normal. Or nearly so.
I hate all adults. They think we don’t see, we don’t understand. As if I hadn’t realized, Dad is often away at the weekend pretending to be working. And then he comes back all happy and relaxed, ready to start a new week at the office without a break.
They preach honesty and sincerity, yet behind our backs, they betray each other. And us. If they don’t love each other anymore, why don’t they just part? At least they would spare us all these lies.
But do I really want that? I am not a child anymore; in two years’ time I’ll go to university. I’ll find a place as far away as possible. But what about Tommy? He is only ten, he loves Mum and adores Dad. How would he manage? Would he grow up like Charles, who spends a week with his mum and the following one with his dad and his new family? He says he doesn’t care but is always angry at the whole world.
No, I don’t want them to separate. It wouldn’t be fair. They have made the commitment to build a family and love each other. Now they must stick to it. I don’t want two families, two houses. I want Mum and Dad, Tommy, and me, all together.
- Pretending - March 13, 2026
- Doubt - November 5, 2025
