All The Things I Don’t Remember
written by: Wilma Jovell
I want to tell you about what it’s like to not remember
but I can’t seem to recall.
I want to tell you about what it’s like to remember things that shouldn’t be there to remember.
Billiard balls, subway stations and spider eggs.
Things I remember but barely. Things I remember… blurred.
Råcksta centrum. Bredäng, Sickla, Istedgade and Nälden.
Istedgade. The red light district with Alvar Aalto tables. The apartment at the top with a broken dishwasher. Bang and Jensen.
About the attacks that make my sight go black,
about the millisecond of confusion – this is not my body.
Sometimes I think I’m smaller than I am. That I can crawl up on small surfaces. Into them. It’s not regression, I’m not going back. I’ve just never grown.
Stuck in time.
I want to tell you about the satellite dishes. Not the physical ones, those I have no right to. But the other ones. How it feels like my brain is catching signals that are on their way to someone else. How my own memories are stuck somewhere on the way to me.
In some languages there is no word for I. Who would I be if I spoke one of them?
I just can’t remember which languages they are.
- All The Things I Don’t Remember - July 23, 2024
