A Real Bargain
written by: Karen Southall Watts
Lila and Josh were a match made in capitalist heaven. She had inherited a fortune from a mother who’d been too weak at the end to have her new will, leaving her assets to charity, notarized. He was a smooth talker who’d benefitted from crypto, NFTs, and multiple tech startups, always cashing in and moving on before the crash. Together they’d built a mini empire, mostly in real estate. The couple had scooped up all the affordable houses in their area and turned them into rentals.
A property management company kept the tenants quiet and the money flowing. It often happened that Lila and Josh’s tenants slipped from the working poor to the desperately poor. Eventually, the couple retained a cleaning and salvage company to clean out the houses and sell everything families left behind as they escaped into the night. It was easier and more lucrative than taking them to court.
After five happy and profitable years, Lila and Josh were planning to give themselves a big anniversary gift, a proper estate. The online tour actually made Lila squeal. There was a huge mansion all done in white and gold. Priced at a steal, it was perfectly landscaped, and sporting a pool and magazine-worthy patio, the place was begging for a party. Josh cared less about the pool than the state-of-the-art game room and office.
As they drove up into the San Gabriel Mountains, Lila read the listing headline aloud for the hundredth time.
“Designed by the enigmatic Frederick Dis Pater, this house is a one-of-a-kind modern chateau boasting spectacular views and unparalleled privacy.”
“Skip the sales babble, get to the inspector’s report. Anything we need to know?”
Lila scrolled through the pages.
“All new commercial-grade kitchen, blah blah, blah, and imported bamboo flooring, yack, yack, yack, move in ready. Oh, one old outbuilding. He recommends bulldozing for additional garage space.”
“The only thing it’s missing is the robot butler.”
Lila looked up from her phone to groan and then offer a wink and an air kiss. One of the benefits of obscene wealth was having others do all the drudge work, and so today was the first time the couple would be on the property, to take official ownership. All the paperwork had been handled through technology or the labor of others. All Lila and Josh needed to do was key in the entry code and go inside.
It was the kind of afternoon they’d both always dreamed of. They ate the prepared gourmet dinner that had been dropped off by the meal service, and left the dishes in the sink for the cleaning staff who would come by in the morning. Sipping cups of Jamaica Blue coffee, they lounged by the pool and watched the sunset.
“I know you want to take a romp through those new silk sheets, but I’m still stuffed. Let’s take a quick walk around the grounds. We haven’t seen all the features yet.”
“Ugh, Lila. Really? You want to survey your domain at this hour?”
“Just turn on the flashlight on your phone and shut up. We walk or no snuggles for you.”
She walked off with an exaggerated sway to her hips.
As expected, the gardens were perfect and the view from almost every vantage point worthy of a postcard. By silent agreement, they trudged down the gravel path to the soon-to-be-flattened bungalow, just so they could say they’d done the full tour and call it a night.
Lila wrinkled her nose. She imagined the hint of a smell like old garbage, but the wind shifted, and it vanished. “What an eyesore. Why do you suppose it’s still here?”
“Well, you gotta hide the help somewhere.” Josh really did think he was funny.
“I know we’re knocking it down, but let’s look inside.”
“Of course. There could be something valuable inside. Never miss the chance for an easy buck, right Hon?”
It took a few minutes of banging and kicking to open the door before the couple could push their way in. The blackness inside was impossibly deep, and their phones useless for light beyond a few inches. They crunched their way across the floor. The door slammed shut when they reached the middle of the room. Startled, Lila dropped her phone. Josh bent down to light the area near their feet to try and find it.
The couple’s last thought, before they began to scream, was the realization that the floor was covered in bones.
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