Amends
written by: Daisy King
@stormsinteacups
I want to tell all in my family that I am stuck in a quicksand
of grief, of growing, of growing into something
you never wanted for me,
these unfulfilled dreams —
and the cassette tape that plays underneath my pillow
will be unspooled, and burnt – the words deserve it.
I want to tell all in my family that I have a mask, a second skin
and it will not be pried off, with roots so deep —
memories drill into the earth so
dredge them up, more take their place.
I want to tell all in my family that guilt has long been my keeper
secrets, rationalisations, excuses, manipulations,
but there are no escape routes now
and she is water-boarded with regret.
I want to tell all in my family that I have learnt my lessons
and I may always labour when it comes to love
and even though I’ve every reason not to
I believe there is so much love in the world.
As a daughter, sister, granddaughter niece, surrogate father and brother–
It is like you built your worlds around me.
This is my gratitude, my apology, my repentance, my amends and my remorse.
It is also my love, which I do not deserve but will make myself worthy.
- Amends - November 11, 2020
- An Ode To Life’s Little Threats - August 24, 2020
- Guitar Chord, Hospital Ward - January 4, 2020
