Down The Chimney He Comes
written by: Andrea Walker
I can hear him up there
Tippy-tapping on the roof
As I’m lay here in bed
Trying to act all aloof
I’ve squeezed my eyes shut
I’m holding my breath
It’s not like I’m asleep
It’s more like I’m dead
Uh oh! Now he’s slithering
Down the tight sooty shaft
I can’t stand the suspense
I’m trying hard not to laugh
Any minute I’ll spot
His bright red outfit
And that cheery white beard
As he says, well that was a tight fit
But something is wrong
I can’t hear him any more
And what’s actually emerging
Is a dark cloven claw
Two furry spindly legs
I feel sick, I feel weak
As the body wriggles down
I fight back a shriek
When he’s finally out
And I can see him at last
With his horns and red eyes
I want to escape fast
Hello little girl
He whispers in my ear
With fowl smelling breath
Says, you’ve had a bad year
You’re not on the good list
There’s not even coal for you
Santa is enraged
Frankly, I am too
So he’s sent me in his place
To do exactly as I wish
I’m Krampus, glad to meet you
Now, tear up your Christmas list
Why are you beyond naughty?
What happened in this home?
Where are your parents?
Why are you here all alone?
I recoil from his gaze
Begin to shake my head
But I know he knows the truth
And I feel unutterable dread
There’s nobody here
On that point, he’s correct
For I did something terrible
I’ve now cause to regret
I wanted a dolly
All shiny and new
I hinted for months
To my mum – and dad too
It fell on deaf ears
I was completely ignored
I grew tired of asking
And then, I grew bored
Little girls are meant
To be all sugar and spice
But this little girl
Underneath isn’t nice
And so by last evening
When I’d finally made certain
There was to be no dolly
I wanted to hurt them
So I hatched a plan
To rid myself of them for sure
I gave them some poison
For which there was no cure
And as they died writhing
In their own agony
I went out shopping
Got myself that dolly
But now I’m lay here
And I’m waiting for a sign
Of what he intends to do
If I’ll live, or I’ll die
You’d better get ready, he says
We are off somewhere now
I have to try to stall him
I think frantically, somehow
Wait a minute Krampus
Don’t you want cookies and milk
I mean it’s the tradition
Of Christmas and that ilk
He growls for a moment
Then indulges my request
And soon, he dropps to the floor
Clutching his chest
You vile little person
You tricked me you’ll be sorry
It was meant for Santa
I say in a hurry
I’m sorry I had to do it
But my reasons are clear
It’s Christmas you see
My favourite time of the year
And as I close the door
And set off in flight
I shout Merry Christmas to all
And to all a good night!
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