When Olivia met K
Chapter XIII
Else – My End
written by: Michael McCarthy
@FlateyeFiction
This was not how I’d envisioned the end; if I’d had the choice I would have preferred to slip away gently in the aftermath of sex while in the arms of a lover. Strictly speaking, I could still slip away in the arms of a lover, well to be precise, an ex-lover and forget about the sex; all I’d have to do would be to ring Ernst. He’d come and hold me and lie with me until the end. But we’d already said our goodbyes and I couldn’t bear to say farewell to him again.
Dirk and I had a reconcilement before he died, I was glad. Not that I wished him dead but I’m glad Dirk went first, it gave me the chance to look back on and savor my life and lovers and experiences without the thought of a reproachful Dirk lurking on the margins.
That may sound cruel, it is, but that’s how I sometimes saw Dirk, as the ultimate wet blanket.
Poor Dirk, he deserved better than me and, I hate to say it, his daughter. But what’s done is done.
I was sitting in my bed in my lovely room with a view out over the gardens of the nursing home, some of my peers were out there being shunted through the billiard table green lawns and enduring the banal utterances of well-meaning relatives and friends who couldn’t think of anything else to say. I’d had more than enough experience of that lately.
Embraced in my arms I had my collection of sketches of my ex-lovers ready for a final orgy of remembrance.
My daughter Olivia left a short while ago, we wouldn’t be seeing each other again; I could feel it. There was no more point in hanging around; everything had been taken care of, thanks mainly to Ernst, so when I was ready I’d just close my eyes and wait.
I hadn’t been short of visitors during my stay here, old friends, some past loves, Ernst came more than he needed to but every visit was welcome and enjoyable; Olivia came, of course, less than I would have expected, but thankfully not as much as I’d feared. I loved her, my only child, but she wasn’t easy at the best of times.
She was far more promiscuous than I’d ever been but she had something that I’d never had; a lifelong lover and partner, K. Somebody who’d never leave her. She didn’t realize how fortunate she was. That was partly down to me. I had, after all, encouraged her hedonistic ways.
Had I been a good mother? Olivia cried when I’d told her I’d soon be gone. That must mean something.
I knew I’d embarrassed her with my behavior with regard to her boyfriends, that hadn’t been my intention. The very few I’d dallied with had been irresistible, and I’d always had a thing for young men, frankly the younger the better.
There had always been a certain degree of competition between us. I’d certainly won, I had a child. That sounded weird, no question.
But I understood it and so would Olivia. She wouldn’t have made a good mother, a baby would have cramped her style.
I’d even tried to warn her of the dangers of unprotected sex in her youth.
‘‘You just don’t know, dear. You can never trust a man to take precautions.’’
‘‘Else, I’m young, curious, aware, hungry and, of course, careful. I wouldn’t have room or patience for a little me.’’
I also believed I could have taken K from her, maybe not forever. She knew about us. He was clearly drawn to me and he couldn’t have had a better teacher. But I let him go. I was very fond of him; I was convinced that was why.
Olivia had been luckier than me, but that was the way it should have been.
Now, of course, while there was still time, I had to address the Dirk question.
Dirk and I had been regulars in a music bar in our late teens. We were aware of each other but had never felt any mutual attraction or even interest.
At a party one night, we ended up dancing with each other and then repairing to an unoccupied patch of floor somewhere, and the rest, as they say, is history.
We had a glorious few years of unrestrained fun. Then Olivia arrived, and although we still burnt the candle at both ends, things—or, I should say, Dirk—began to change as his father groomed him to take over at his company, and eventually, he did.
For some reason, I transformed from an inconspicuous girl into a guy magnet. From then on, even with a child, I embarked on a life devoted to pure self-indulgence, especially with men, much to Dirk’s chagrin.
I often wondered, did Dirk play away from home? I asked Ernst once, in later years, and he just smiled,
‘‘Put it this way, Else, he had to get rid of all that stress, somehow.’’
But despite many business problems Dirk looked after us. Although, it had to be said, I made my sacrifices; I gave up the chance of a successful career as an artist for my family.
I’d also long harbored the hope: like mother, like daughter?
‘‘You need a hobby, a way to express yourself.’’ I suggested to Olivia many, many times over the years.
‘‘Else, my body is my hobby and through it I express myself.’’
Olivia had always been completely casual and unashamed about showing off her body; that used to drive her father to distraction; his beautiful, precocious daughter sauntering around the house naked or semi-naked.
Looking back I can recall some unease on my part as to whether Dirk was plagued with unnatural feelings he struggled to contain and, furthermore, whether a flowering Olivia hadn’t subconsciously played on that.
‘‘Your father is very uncomfortable with your wanton ways. You do have a habit of flaunting yourself for all to see.’’
I said to her on more than one occasion.
‘‘Believe me, Else, I understand that, but I cannot be expected to curb my natural inclinations to spare the blushes of an inhibited parent.’’
She’d always had a way with words.
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