Pulling Mussels from A Shell
written by: Elizabeth Sophia Strauss
A year ago and change I said during a tarot reading I would never fall for a scorpion
I have always been too afraid of their sharp claws
Us crabs have some pinchers too
But we are soft shell vs a rough a knife
My heart could not help but get pinched by your claws and smothered by your curvy tail
Your eight legs strangling me I did not care my air pipe was blocked
I thought you wanted to connect
I played the ping pong game of intimacy
Our steps on the dance floor while we tangoed in the Turkish nightclub
In almost perfect sync
I tell you again and again
Life will never be perfect
Why try to justify it?
When we are blinded by intimacy, sex, and emotions we bury our rules with the bottom-feeders
You know there has always been a volcano erupting next to me
And with you, I let it overflow from exhaustion
The truth and pain that has been keeping me up at night as well as your words
Wondering if I am reading too much into the poetry we sext each other from dawn until dusk
Eating up the mixed signals you called on cue for too long
You had me at your beck and call
But did I ever have you?
You throw me a curve ball and I knock it out of the park
I throw you one and you warm the bench until the umpire calls the game
I am not someone who can keep my heart in the dirt
And I never will
It has been tattooed on my sleeve since day one
Trauma exists
Given life is a walking trigger warning
With our swords that are dealt from the tarot decks
We learn how to fight the battles
Never alone
My body and teeth shivered faster than castanets
I had to speak up
I wore myself out telling you how my feelings
Knowing it was a 50/50 shot
I let myself be vulnerable
Again
And though you knew you were going to reject me as it lingered on your tongue for almost three hours
Was this your truth?
I feel like I am always pulling mussels as you cling to yours
My muscles are not nearly as strong as Hercules
The Beanie God is merely mortal
I swim around in the green sickly sea
Between bridges
Trying my hardest to get you to speak your truths
Take responsibility
Give me the clarity I deserve
I keep chugging golden milk and massaging my hands as my mouth is dry and thumbs quite sore from bleeding for you day after day
No longer giving a shit the week screwed you
Karma is you know what
You know I won’t say that word
My choice
My voice
Will you take action like you do for our nation and give me the answers I deserve?
Or will you simply repeat like a bad song: I appreciate your honesty and I am sorry until we reach the end of the tunnel?
I am between a rock and hard place
And on the road to hell
Unlike you
I don’t want to go all the way to Hadestown
My overflowing Leo cannot take any more heat
I went from having a crush
To being the mix that sits at the bottom of the tang
Hurt
Sticky
And too damn tired
Because we both know this was not a crush
I am hurting
Because you pinched
S & M water sign style
You baited, hooked, lined, and sank me
I hung around like a worm
Tired of asking you to be vulnerable
So here I stop
Letting myself heal
Trying to move on
I fell hard
And now I need to fall out
Come out of the sea and up for air
To work on me
Will you let me?
- Pulling Mussels From A Shell - March 31, 2022
