The Longevity Loophole
translated by: Richard Kostelanetz
When a 60-year-old man goes to the doctor for a check-up, the physician concludes, “You’re in terrific shape. There’s nothing wrong with you. Why, you might live forever. You have the body of a 35-year-old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?”
The 60-year-old responds, “Did I say he was dead?”
Surprised, the doctor asks, “How old is he and is he very active?”
The 60-year-old responds, “Well, 82 years old, he still goes skiing three times a season and surfing three times a week during the summer.”
Incredulous, the doctor continues. “Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?”
The patient responded again, “Did I say he was dead?”
Astonished, the doc inquires, “Do you mean to tell me you are 60 years old and both your father and your grandfather are alive? Is your grandfather very active?”
The 60-year-old says, “He goes skiing at least once a season and surfing once a week during the summer.”
“Not only that,” explains the patient, “my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he is getting married again.”
The doctor says, “At 106 years, why on earth would your grandfather want to get married?”
His patient looks up at the doctor, sheepishly, before he confides, “Did I say he wanted to?”
NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:
Isolating themselves from the COVID plague of the early 2020s, several people who had never met each other before telling stories, many stories, some inventing while others recall, incidentally developing an essentially comic literary form that stands between the short story and a one-liner.
One constraint that they shared is that all stories must be told in less than one minute. This rule accounts for why in their printed form every story must fit within a single page.
Perhaps because the stories were told in various languages, one recurring theme is misunderstanding, which is perhaps more common in the 21st century than ever before.
Once the threat of COVID was declared over, the participants dispersed, never taking each other’s names and addresses, their authorships permanently forgotten.
- The Longevity Loophole - March 5, 2025
