The Way Back Home
written by: Henry Vinicio Valerio Madriz
This world breaks into pieces a million times every single day in everybody’s lives all over the world; however, somehow, God manages to put these pieces back together, back to normal…
I didn’t know I wasn’t a guy who could express emotions or feelings. Today forced me to face that reality. Today was full of emotions and feelings.
“Honey, you need to answer this call; I’m definitely not taking it. It’s Sergio (my oldest brother), you know, the call we’ve been expecting!” My wife sadly said this while knocking on our bathroom door.
Fate always surprises you, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse; nevertheless, you must take the ride on this rollercoaster; it’s up to you if you enjoy or disparage it. Emotions… life is full of emotions, and that is right!
I had already taken a quick shower (not in the mood for a long and renewing shower); I just finished drying myself with my towel, put on a pair of boxers, opened the bathroom door, and answered the call. “I understand; we’re leaving immediately.”
All necessary personal care accessories, enough clothes for a week’s term, what else? It’s interesting how important objects lose their importance in essential situations. At the end, people always surpass things; how you use things with your beloved ones is what matters. Fortunately, my mind worked as required.
My wife was ready; things were ready… Nonetheless, I wasn’t ready, but I was in the car. I started it and prayed to the Lord for my car not to break; it’s an old one, and sometimes its personality is stubborn, making me see it as the one in command. But as an old friend, I respect and love Blue Demon, my 1993 Kia Sportage. I was on the way back home.
After a while, without knowing why, I began to shake. It was a mix of anxiety and pain (mental or emotional pain overflowed my body). I had to breathe deeper. “Deeply, man, you need more oxygen!” I concluded in my mind, and my wife noticed it but said nothing. She always understands. That’s why she won the race in first place: she became my everything, fulfilling my world with her shining smile and great criteria.
Rebeca, my wife, decided to turn the radio on so we could relax a bit, or at least be loose, especially because I was the one driving and my eyes were covered with a couple of tears. And I wasn’t accustomed to that, and she knew it.
It’s curious to learn that every time we’re in a hurry, events occur in slow motion, almost like watching an old film with no colors. My world had lost its colors. Maybe it’s just time playing with you; in fact, fooling you. Time is the strongest element, and it knows it; that’s why it messes with you all the TIME!
Time passed, and we were nearer home but not there. I felt a hand on my shoulder that anchored me to this slow, monochromatic world, or, better yet, to reality. “That bastard doesn’t know how to drive!” I shouted. My wife’s hand caressing my head at that time alerted me that it was time to calm down; her saying nothing made it so. Then I remembered my mom’s words every time I complained about another driver’s bad way of driving when I took my parents somewhere. “Henry, you won’t win anything by yelling at others.” Then I remembered my mom. My mind navigated through a sea of sweet memories. From the beginning, I was lost in thoughts, and my wife let me be. My way back home was full of mental pictures of loving activities together.
When Rebeca and I arrived home at my parents’ house (always a home for children), we greeted my sister-in-law, Floria, and nephew, Esteban; it seemed they were the only ones at home. “Where is my father? Where is everybody?” I asked. Some minutes later, my older brother Eladio Jr. arrived home; he was buying groceries and food to prepare things. My father, Eladio, and my niece, Floriela, were with him. My other sister-in-law, Andrea, my nephew, Leandro, and my niece, Alondra, got home. After some more minutes, Sergio came too. He was also arranging some stuff to have everything ready; his children, Adrián and Lucia, would arrive later (unfortunately, we lost Rita, my other sister-in-law, last year because of COVID-19). Then some relatives, neighbors, and friends arrived, too. Rodolfo, my youngest brother, wasn’t home since he was at the hospital taking care of some last papers and formalities. He was there with our mom.
My family was busy. I was just waiting… for my mom. I was in automatic, what people call “a zombie” (sometimes life smacks you so hard that you are knocked out, but you don’t fall; you keep numbwalking). “Thank God for my brothers,” I thought. I felt useless, like an extra piece in a complete puzzle game.
Rodolfo called to explain that Mom was on her way back home. I kept waiting.
When mom came back home, my eyes watered, but no tears fell. I just looked at Mom and touched the fine wood. “She looks beautiful!” I thought. My body started to shake again.
Emotions showed up. Almost everyone in the house was crying. I wasn’t, at least not with tears, but with drops of blood throughout all my veins and being. Suddenly, my mouth tasted bitter. Suddenly, I got a headache. Suddenly, I felt nothing. That’s what happens when life cuts your roots, your sap, and your blood, gets cold, and starts running slowly, really slowly, numbing your mind. All those emotions were going and coming in a heart that refused to feel for the day.
My father went to his bedroom to cry a bit and think about all that had happened and was happening. My brothers were planning the last details. I was just there.
Then all of us, including mom, went to church for mass. Then all of us, relatives, neighbors, and friends said the last goodbye, and some added, “Alicia was the best!” On top of that, we said goodbye. Events went at their normal pace for a couple of hours. My family had dinner together, all of us but mom. The mood was good even though there was pain, so much pain.
After dinner, Becca and I went to bed, trying to get some sleep. “Thanks for being my refuge,” I told my wife. She kissed me and caressed my face. After a while, I told her, “My mom died.”
“Mom is on her way back home now…” I said to myself.
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