Growth Through Forgiveness
written by: Donnalee Shapiro
I have been thinking about an image I witnessed 3 nights ago which surprised me and really grabbed my heart. As I get older I am realizing more and more the resilience of the human spirit. I was married for 23 yrs and having it finally not work out in the end was sad for sure. Deciding to sell the house, clearing everything out of it, going to the closing and signing all the papers and then handing the keys to the new owners who were as young and as happy as we once were those many years prior. I remember feeling sadness and great loss at that time.
Finally, about 3 years later, we decided to move forward with finalizing the divorce which was quite civil. Initialing the myriad of papers dissolving the marriage felt like all the papers we both had to initial and sign when we had purchased the house so many years before. Again, it was a sad but necessary moment in our lives in order to move forward with our own individual lives.
What would we do now, living as single people? It felt foreign and uncomfortable at first but eventually, we both moved on. Initially bumping into each other here and there felt awkward and the interaction was kept brief. As time and years moved on though, we saw each other at the funerals of mutual family and friends. We also saw each other on special occasions of people who still saw us both as their friends. We talked a bit more and slowly a friendship of a different kind began to develop. A friendship where we both realized we were 2 good people who just didn’t quite fit together in a marriage but a close “friendship” did fit!
As time went on, my new husband Mitch was introduced to my ex-husband Michael. It went well, they liked each other! Michael was invited to the house a few times and Mitch cooked him a black and blue steak, just the way Michael likes it. We all talked together about life in general and it was pleasant. Michael even came to my big 70th birthday bash and he was there for one of the most painful times of my life, the death of my mother. He attended her funeral each day and we invited him to have dinner with us after her cremation. Michael picked up that check!
Now fast forward to 3 days ago. We were staying at a campground in Sarasota on the west coast of Florida. Michael now lives on the west coast and we invited him over for dinner. It was a nice day and Mitch and Michael spent quite a bit of time discussing many of the different books and authors they enjoyed. Michael brought some delicious cannollis that we also enjoyed after dinner.
Here though is where the resilience of the human spirit comes into play. A few minutes before Michael was about to leave, I watched him walk toward Mitch give him a little “hug” and thank him for a great meal.
The image of that hug from my ex-husband to my now husband of 10 years said so much to me! It was like a spark that set off a wave of thoughts and feelings that never would have been possible in my younger years. It said that with age and time and honest introspection, can come forgiveness of ourselves and each other. That we can still feel compassion for one another, we can still help one another, and enjoy each other’s company, and that a different type of friendship but no less meaningful, can certainly develop. Divorce isn’t always a means to an end but with time and a willingness to look within, can lead us to a deeper understanding of who we were, or were not back then, and who we have come to be these many years later. We learn that life is full of changes and that not everything always works out the way we had hoped and believed it would but that things can still work out, albeit just differently.
- Growth Through Forgiveness - December 5, 2024
- A Nurse’s Wish For Mercy - March 12, 2023
- Insight and Gratitude - October 9, 2022
