Heavenly Sin
written by: Patricia Pease
A gray haze of cigarette smoke blanketed the inside of “Heavenly Sin” nightclub. It was thick enough to choke on. “Sit in front of the men’s bathroom. That way, you’re the first thing they see when they walk out.” My step-mama, Darlene, hiked up her dress to plop down on the warped wooden chair. Her huge rhinestone necklace dangled as she dragged her chair forward. She smelled like liquor and floral perfume, but she was the most sophisticated person I’d ever known, and I wanted to be just like her, so I did like she said.
The little table wobbled. She leaned over to wedge a book of matches under the shortest leg of the table. The music was so loud, it felt like the band was inside my ribcage, keeping time with my excited heart. We were celebrating my eighteenth birthday.
Darlene was the main hairdresser in our small town, the one who knew beauty secrets of celebrities and rich hoity-toity women. She gave me Madonna hair and made me up to look like a movie star. I was even rockin’ one of her night clubbin’ dresses. When I first saw my reflection, I saw a stranger, somebody more exciting. A trapped bird flapped loose inside my chest, and my head floated, full of helium.
My hands shook. Darlene noticed and snorted a “Pfft.” “Nerves do that, and a drink fixes it. Eighteen is old enough for a Screwdriver. Vodka ain’t even real drinkin’.”
She fished out a Benson and Hedges cigarette and pointed it at me. “The way you look, you could break some poor bastard’s heart.” She nodded, agreeing with herself. “Get yourself a sugar daddy tonight, and forget that pizza dump you work at. Ain’t you tired of comin’ home smellin’ like pepperoni?” She adjusted her bra strap and, lookin’ like a dragon, blew thin jets of smoke through her nostrils. “I’ll be scoutin’ this room for your money man.” Something creepy lodged itself in my gut.
Sequins flaked off my dress like dead skin onto the sticky floor. I bent over to pick up the sparkly bits, but Darlene hissed, “Sit up straight and stop actin’ like trailer trash. Ladies don’t pick up junk off the floor; they have lots of other pretty dresses at home.” Being called trailer trash stung, so I ground the loose sequins into the grimy floor with the toe of my shoe.
Darlene sauntered to the bar and came back with two drinks. Mine felt lukewarm. I took a lady-like sip; exactly the way she taught me. It tasted like ammonia, bitter and medicinal. Even though the orange juice tasted flat, my throat was so parched I choked it down anyway.
Men spilled out of the bathroom, staring at me and Darlene–mostly at me–sweat traced a trail down my back. I grabbed my purse and stood up to leave. That wiped the smile right off Darlene’s face, and she looked genuinely hurt. “Ain’t you having a good time drinkin’ booze and listenin’ to rock music?”
“I reckon I’m just nervous.” I sat back down.
She patted my hand. “Once you get up and shake a leg on that dance floor, you’ll be alright.” She winked at me and slurped her drink. Her eyes immediately glazed over like she was cryin’–I knew it was the vodka. When a man asked me to dance, Darlene smiled wide, and swayed a little, “Have fun, babygirl, go shake your bootie!”
Fighting the urge to throw up, I followed him onto the floor. I danced but barely moved, trying to keep his eyes off me. He kept staring at my body. Worms crawled beneath my skin.
At the end of the dance, he asked if he could buy me a drink, and I said I already had one.
He insisted, “How about a fresh drink?”
I said mine was fresh enough.
He chuckled. “You’re a real delight.” I absolutely did not want to delight this man, so I walked straight back to my table and sat down.
“Hey, I’m talking to you,” he shouted.
Darlene’s eyes snapped wide. She hissed, “Go back. This is your chance.” Squirrels raced round my stomach, and my hands knotted into fists.
He came stormin’ up to our table and snatched my arm. “We’ll have us another dance, alright?”
I stomped my high heel down on his foot. He howled and backhanded me. Darlene leapt up, and he backhanded her, too. The bouncer grabbed him and shoved him out the door. I rubbed my face and bit my lip hard, so I wouldn’t cry.
Darlene didn’t want to press charges. “Don’t need to cause a fuss.” She wouldn’t meet my eyes, just stared at the floor. “Let’s go.” She whispered.
So we went.
Darlene didn’t say nothin’ all the way home. She dragged her hand through her hair, flung her pocket book down on the kitchen counter, and asked if I wanted that Stouffer’s lasagna reheated.
“No”, I said. “I reckon I’m tired.” Both our faces were red from being slapped. We didn’t say nothin’, just stared at each other for a long time.
Finally, she said, “Well, alright then, g’night.” Her hands were trembling so bad she had to grab the banister as she stumbled and tripped up the stairs. I tried to say something, but the words got caught in my throat. I swallowed them down. We never mentioned it again.
- Heavenly Sin - February 16, 2026
- Mad Maddie - February 12, 2025
