Golden Boy

Golden Boy

written by: Yukta Phoenix

 

He’s so fuckiing unproblematic,
All smiles and right lines,
The jewel of the family’s crown,
Living the dreams I craved in every past life.
He moves through the world like sunlight made flesh,
Touching everything with ease,
Even the air seems to lean towards him,
Like the room itself conspires to carry his laughter.
And I?
I burn.
I appreciate.
I ache.
I love.
I feel too much.
I envy him like sickness,
Eating away at everything and leaving little to nothing for the rightness.
I love him. I hate him—
I shouldn’t—
It makes me count my faults like rituals.
I’m the infamous sideline,
Nothing and endlessly problematic.
He’s everything I don’t even risk being in my wildest dreams.
I run from the same hands he runs into,
Kind and welcoming, I think,
But all I see is splashes of red or grey, what is it?—
Strangling and skinning me alive.
Being small is who I’ll always be,
The price my demons demanded.
I am everything I swore I’d never be.
He’s so bright, I have nowhere left to hide.

He’s the golden sunlight, I’m the stormy lightless nights.

 

NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR:

This poem came from a place of feeling overwhelmed by my own emotions — loving someone deeply, admiring them, but also struggling with the parts of myself that don’t feel “enough.” Golden Boy is my way of putting those tangled feelings into words, hoping someone out there has felt the same. It’s about the quiet ache of comparison, the softness of love, and the shadows we’re scared to admit we carry.