Another Lost Soul
written by: Veronika Kordikowski
Why did you do it?
Were your psychosis symptoms so terrible?
I feel so bad for you!
I feel the system failed you!
I feel so sad for you!
No Psychiatrist.
No Counsellor.
Suffering terrible mental anguish for years!
No hope!
No relief!
Your mind grinding a million miles a minute!
You were too smart!
Too smart for your own good!
Your departure from this world
Quietly and Methodically planned over time
Slowly you left people’s lives,
Purposely you stopped going around
Dinners nightly at your parents’ house,
Graciously rejected once every few days.
Daily phone calls with parents and friends
Ignored, answered less and less
Apparently, your rationale,
The phone wasn’t working properly
You slowly kicked us out of your life as well. As our handyman and friend,
You rejected work we offered,
Rationalizing you’d rather not do this or that
We should hire a professional instead.
Days became your nights
Sleeping all afternoons
Missing coffee with friends
We have a hockey friend
Like you she’s an Edmonton Oilers fan
We wanted so badly to set you two up
Alas no meetings with her
We realized you were oh so very depressed
We thought you’d get through it
As you were able to do in the past
Oh boy were we ever so very wrong!
If only we’d taken you to have coffee!
Maybe you’d still be here and have a future. It’s hard to know.
Buddy, you were not just a handyman to us
We saw you as a friend
Someone who struggled
With this same debilitating illness Schizophrenia
Handy with our house repairs
You made our house warm and liveable
Perhaps your days ended
In a silent solitary cold house
Who are we going to ask to help us
with this or that in the house or yard?
I feel so sad that you were let down by the professionals!
It’s heart wrenching,
that you had the wherewithal
to make your departure so slow
that no one would suspect
just how much you were suffering!
Buddy your mom told us
that a couple of weeks ago you said to her, “Don’t worry, I’m not suicidal!”
Buddy that was a bold faced lie!
You were gaslighting us all!
Damn it!
I wish you hadn’t been so smart!
Well, we all miss you!
We hope you’re no longer suffering!
We don’t know where you go when you die
But I have a feeling you’re surrounded by people who are holding you tight!
We should have known
We should have seen
We would’ve believed
Too shocking!
Too horrific!
Two friends of ours!
Succumbed,
within one year and a bit of each other
To their horrible suicidal deaths
A FINAL ESCAPE
Adios.
Schizophrenia!
- Another Lost Soul - March 30, 2026
- Almost 30 Years - November 17, 2025
- Not an Easy Fix - May 24, 2025
