Not an Easy Fix
written by: Veronika Kordikowski
Schizophrenia is an illness of the brain.
The problem is that my brain
operates my whole body.
Living with Schizophrenia
I can never fully trust my thoughts
My memories, or
What’s going on in my head.
I think they’re talking about me.
They know they’re talking about me,
and now I’m sure they’re talking about me.
Why is mental illness the only affliction where:
Guesstimation
Approximation
And Estimation
are valid ways for Doctors and Psychiatrists
To prescribe the fix?
Medication, to try to pacify
My nagging negative thoughts,
My ever disrupting anxiety
The harmful messages
Sent by… you guessed it…
My defiant brain
No one can
Bandage
Sew,
Staple or
Screw
My obstinate, intricate and convoluted brain back together
If I break my back,
they can list my limitations,
How long it will last
Even if a lifetime, at least I’ll know
When I lost my mind
I had no idea it would be an endless plight.
“Try this pill.
Mix it with this and that!
We’ll see how you respond next month.”
They warn, “You will gain weight!”
But odds were it would soften or even quell the voices.
At night wheels on pavement
And an idling semi chattered:
“you are a terrible person.
People don’t like you.”
Anything to silence that drone,
I agreed to give this fix a try.
Years later, the voices are mostly gone
Just the odd windy night
I hear the murmuring seeping through the walls.
I’m twice my weight
I’m now morbidly obese.
Whoa! That’s too much!
“But we told you you’d gain weight, right?”
“No! Not this much this fast!
And I’m not even eating all day long.”
So now I wait
For unknown doctors to approve me for my weight loss fix.
I wait.
As my weight goes up and down
I wait.
- Not an Easy Fix - May 24, 2025
- Nothing but Unanswered Questions - March 22, 2025
- A Hint of The Season - December 20, 2024
