All The Things I Wish I Had Said
अधूरी बातें
written by: Kavita
“You’re hot”
Ironically it’s one of the few things I remember about you
one of the few things I CHOOSE to,
Something that made me feel that I was worthy of it
worthy of wanting you,
even as you refused to let me lay on your chest,
I thought this was love
and this was what I deserved
I stayed awake until 1 am
to hear you vent,
I listened patiently as you talked about how much you loved your mother,
and how intolerable your father was,
I kept my words to myself,
afraid a single slip might push me away from you
and while I sat in front of your texts,
as you said how I was your little secret,
because after all,
the love I wanted,
demanded sacrifice.
I texted you when you got a bad grade,
swerved slight glances in your direction in class,
wished you birthdays, holidays, anything over text
even though you never did the same
avoided you in hallways because you asked me not to be familiar,
even though as you saw parts of me uncovered,
the stretchmarks, the bite marks, the bruises and self-harm,
and said you loved every inch of it,
I let you swoon me,
because after all,
love demanded distance.
My hands still quiver when the phone buzzes with a notification from you,
even though you never called me mine,
even though you were disgusted to acknowledge me in public,
Even though you only LOVED my body and not me,
even though I was to blame for ruining the little secret,
I came back to you, replied to those texts,
even after all those times, I was hurt,
all those times I told myself I would stop,
stop trying so hard to fix something you didn’t ask me to,
because girls like me,
the kind that spent eternities for their absent daddies to show up,
to show them how valued they were,
never came,
so girls like me,
went door to door begging for something they wished to feel,
begging the tiniest ounce of love from any other man,
to fill the voids left by their father,
and the crumbs left by any man was enough
because after all
wasn’t that all
for love?
- All The Things I Wish I Had Said - May 24, 2025
