Thirteen Years of Missing You
written by: Dibyangana
How do you put pain on a page?
I don’t.
I bleed it.
I drag it out with shaking hands and hope the paper survives.
It’s a blade I keep walking into on purpose.
Every year it shows up, unwanted and uninvited, ripping open wounds I pretend don’t exist.
Thirteen years. Thirteen circles around the sun. They say time heals, but honestly? Time is the reason it still hurts. Time keeps score. Time remembers what I try so hard to forget. Time is the salt that won’t stop stinging.
And the cruelest, most messed-up part?
I don’t remember you alive.
Not your laugh.
Not your stories.
Not even the way you held me.
Just one image — your body, still and silent — stamped into my mind like some brutal watermark I never asked for. No photos. No living memories. Nothing. I was a kid. Too small to catch the moments that mattered. Too young to realize I’d spend the rest of my life reaching for shadows.
Yet I miss you like I lost the whole world.
Some nights I break down and look up at the sky, searching for you like some desperate kid who refuses to grow up. I wonder if you can see me falling apart. I wonder if you would’ve stayed if you knew how much I’d need you now. They say the dead become stars, but tonight the sky is empty. Maybe it’s pollution. Maybe you’re hiding from the mess I’ve become. Maybe you’re just… gone.
You were the first person I loved who left —
and ever since then, loss has felt like a language I was forced to learn.
I never said “I love you, Grandad.”
I never even understood the weight of those words then.
But I carry the grief now like a spine I didn’t ask for.
One day — whatever world, whatever universe — I’ll find you.
And I’ll ask every question that has been rotting in me for years.
I’ll ask why you left.
I’ll ask why I still feel you in the places you never got to touch.
Till then… stay with me.
Not in the stars — they’re liars tonight.
Stay in the ache sitting in my chest.
Stay in the silence I pretend is strength.
Stay in the emptiness I’ve learned to live with.
I hate this day.
But I love it too, because it gives me something of you — even if it’s just the pain.
Maybe that’s the cruel beauty of blind love: loving someone you don’t remember, yet can’t forget.
My words are trembling.
My breath is uneven.
My tears are a storm I can’t outrun.
So, I’ll let the quiet speak.
I’m sorry.
I miss you.
I love you.
Wherever you are —
please don’t disappear again.
- Thirteen Years of Missing You - April 29, 2026
- Before The Final March - January 20, 2026
- My Silent Goodbye - November 5, 2025
