Missing Someone

Missing Someone

written by: Helen Mcmullen

 

There are no words to describe what it feels like to miss someone, no sentences that you could string together to form the exact way it feels to miss someone. Missing someone is unlike anything I’ve ever known, something unidentifiable, something foreign, and soul-shaking. Something that makes you quake from the inside, makes you want to slide out of your skin and cease to exist. Makes you cry for no other reason than you were reminded, of what you had, what could have been, what you were. There is this pain that dwells so deep, that whenever you feel it, it becomes increasingly intense. Suddenly overcome with this incredible emotion that you don’t even recognize yourself. “Why?” Is the only question I’ve been asking myself lately. “Why?” To all the things that were, that could have been, and that are. “Why am I the way that I am?” “Would things be different if you were still here?” I wish I could say these things out loud, but for now, I will write them down, forever burying myself in deep sadness at the thought of you, at the memory of what once was. No longer able to reminisce of happy memories, forever slipping away into the abyss of my consciousness, slowly but surely to be forgotten as so many thoughts have been. The memories come and go, sticking to the surface for only but a fraction of a second. A small smile takes its place against my face but shortly after fades away as I’m reminded that you are gone. No longer do I smile at the thought of you, no longer do I pretend everything is ok. Instead, I forget, forget everything, that way it can’t hurt me anymore, even though, deep inside there will always be this longing for what could have been, sadly I will never know what it’s like to not miss someone.