I push at the body but it doesn’t move. The still nearly icy body doesn’t move, nor speak, breathe or blink. It lies still with a look over the face that doesn’t express peace nor pain, it’s still! The body is still, cold, and heavy.
My insides are twisting and my eyes are bloodshot. The only words I can yell are
“nooo…… Get up”!
As I yell and twist up on the inside, my feet won’t stop moving and my mind is unsettled, it can’t settle.
How could this happen? Why is this happening right now?
All those questions and never any answers. All of this pain and never any peace.
I lay on the cold still chest and my heart races as I pray I find a heartbeat.
The heartbeat never comes!
It never comes but the pain does. It keeps coming and coming and coming until your body is full of it from head to toe. Until every breath you breathe is pain-filled and every beat your heart beats hurts like hell.
Some say grief and pain are a state of mind.
I’m here to tell you that’s a lie!
The pain you feel as you watch the woman who gave birth to you lie cold is inevitable. It’s a pain that’s unbearable it trumps every pain you’ve ever felt, physical mental and emotional. It’s so unsustainable that you suddenly die inside, who you are disappears with her.
My name is Ladonya Burks. I'm a 25 year old African-American country girl from Missouri who owns a personal care/cleaning company. I recently started a WordPress blog called Donyaz Corner that's starting to get a good amount of traffic. My aspirations are to become a published author, eventually turn my books to films and start my own literary entertainment company to help writers without credentials get exposure. I inherited the Passion for writing at the age of 10. In that time I've written many books that I plan to have published.