Awakening
written by: Jazmyn Benjamin
Being with you was reality so new, but I didn’t even have a clue. I ignored the signs but only if I would have known… I was so young and just learning about this thing we call life, uneducated about fools like you. Momma never told me my worst nightmare would come as everything I ever wanted. You drew me in like a gust of the wind, swept me off my feet, never even gave me time to speak. You made yourself seem more than you are, you wore a mask and I was blindfolded. We became toxic so quickly; I closed my eyes and woke up someone I didn’t recognize anymore, and everything I had vanished and I couldn’t look in the mirror without hating myself because of you. Slamming doors and thrown on the floor. Days became dark, and bruises appeared. I had to start wearing makeup to make them disappear. Hurtful words and screaming, my ears were bleeding. Tears and fights, never was I in the right. Your way or no way, scared and alone, too tired to fight. No home, no freedom; no way to make this right. I was a prisoner in my own head. It was a dead-end, I was alive but barely breathing. I couldn’t leave the bed, depression and suicidal thoughts filled my head. Thunderstorms, and broken hearts. You took power over me. How couldn’t you see that you were killing me? You call this love, I call it death. You killed the girl I once was. Used and abused, tried, numbing the pain, but it never went away. Teardrops and tissues but like you said it’s a personal issue. You killed my happiness, my self-confidence, you killed the woman I’ll never become because of your selfishness.
- Awakening - March 2, 2020
- Winter Is My Favorite Season - December 30, 2019
