Ephemeral Joy / Bittersweet Farewells
written by: Codi Wilcox
In the glow of twinkling lights,
Quinn dances through our nutcracker-filled December,
With a spirit of snowflakes, a Christmas list a mile long with faith that Santa will fulfill it—
How could the magic fade?
How can I handle watching the fabric of belief unravel
Like the threads of her favorite blanket
This, the last December—
Elfie sits on his shelf
Your footsteps echo as you race down the hallway upstairs,
Giggling as you both tumble down the steps
Eager to find out what the elves got up to last night
For me, both sadness and joy intertwine,
A lace of memories stitched tightly
I see your flickers of doubt
Clouds in your curious mind
While I watch Quinn untangle the stories
From the threads of reality
Like tinsel falling from our tree
The weight of grown-upness pulling at her
And my heart, an invisible string
I feel the tug in every ritual
Every letter addressed to the North Pole
Every cookie left for Santa
A ritual of innocence, one last season
Oh, how I ache to hold onto the moments,
the pajamas, the excitement
The whispers you and Max would exchange beneath the glow of the tree as you admire it,
Bells ringing, candy canes hanging,
But I know what’s coming
I feel the shift
You question if it’s me moving them every night
You’re beginning to paint your own truth now
Your doubt in the magic becoming the brush painting a new reality
Wrapped in the warmth of her smile
I fold my own heart — a paper crane,
Creaking under the weight of nostalgia
When did I become the keeper of Santa?
Architect of dreams,
And why does growing up mean letting go?
Yet, I see the beauty in letting go
The gentle exhale of release
A bright new horizon where belief
Can transform into wonder and strength
As she steps forward hand in hand with Max
Her tether who pulls her back into the spinning carousel of joyful, childlike innocence
So we will hang the garlands
Dance in the kitchen
For each ornament tells a story
And the magic lives on,
Redefined
Somewhere deep in my heart I understand —
This is how love grows
How traditions start
How she will carry me into her children’s lives
When that time comes
And she introduces them to their very own elfie
This is how shadows dance with light
How we hold on and still let go
- Ephemeral Joy / Bittersweet Farewells - December 16, 2024
