Finding Cherry
written by: Zehra Burney
We were sitting in our backyard with some of our neighbors. Kids were playing, chanting at the top of their voices, making it difficult for us to hear each other or have any fruitful conversation. It’s when one of the ladies called all the kids and put a challenge in front of them:
“You all go and find a cherry in the neighborhood.”
I was astonished to hear that. Even though we have a great neighbourhood with many, many bushes and plantations, there is no chance of having a cherry tree nearby.
Needing to mention here we are staying in Dubai. Dubai has a tropical desert climate with hot, sunny, and dry weather, not favourable for many fruiting trees. There can be date trees instead. The point of sharing this incident is to encourage parents to have a thought before having an expectation towards kids. No matter how much time and effort kids put into finding a cherry in a Dubai neighbourhood, they won’t succeed in it. Unrealistic expectation and challenges causes frustration, distrust of parents, and future reluctance among children.
Upon asking what the idea was behind the “find a cherry” challenge, she explained that it would keep the kids busy while we could talk peacefully. She read about this challenge on a parenting blog. Although I agreed to the idea of keeping kids busy, I couldn’t make up for its cherry part. It would have worked perfectly fine if we changed cheery to “find a date” challenge. Again, here, I urge parents to analyze their own circumstances, situations, and the individuality of the child beforehand. In parenting, there is no “one-size-fits-all” strategy.
This is just one example. Many times, we as parents place unacceptable and unrealistic demands on our kids. To excel, every challenge comes their way. From achieving higher grades to getting medals in a particular sport. Here, the unacceptable and unrealistic are in the sense of kids’ circumstances, physical or mental health, resources, personality, interests, strength, and weaknesses. Not all girls or boys want to become doctors or engineers. Maybe the sport you are asking your kid to take on is like finding a cherry in a dessert for them. It’s very realistic to find a cherry in the neighborhood of East Asia and European countries, but definitely, there are no chances of finding a cherry tree in Dubai. It’s also important when you are taking any parenting advice or reading any article to double-check if it’s going to work in your setup before making any choices.
The same applies to us as adults. We sometimes complicate our simple, content lives by chasing things that were never meant for us. Whether it’s pursuing an ideal career, comparing ourselves with others, or adopting values that don’t suit our culture or individuality, we end up chasing mirages. A dress might look stunning on a foreign model, but will it protect you from your country’s weather? Asking a bird to swim or a fish to fly doesn’t make sense. They are not meant to.
Taking on challenges is admirable. But burdening ourselves with someone else’s goals or expectations is not. The key is to recognize the difference between real challenges — those that help us grow — and adopted challenges — those we take on without questioning whether they’re truly meant for us.
So next time, instead of wasting time and energy chasing cherries that don’t grow in your desert, enjoy your own dates. They’re sweet, nourishing, and rooted in your soil.
- Finding Cherry - November 18, 2025
