I Am In Itself Poetry In The Dark by Michelle Ayon Navajas at Spillwords.com
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I Am In Itself Poetry In The Dark

Michelle Ayon Navajas·
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I Am In Itself Poetry In The Dark

written by: Michelle Ayon Navajas

@poetrybymich

 

i breathe life into my words
feelings i so hardly tell in an everyday discourse
so let me bring to life my words as a young lady
whose scream was not heard
whose cry was muted
whose voice was silenced.

my heart was heavy as the Titan Atlas
condemned to hold up heavens for eternity
pinned down the ground
by a man twice my size
i was only eighteen
it didn’t last long enough
probably 20 minutes
doubled it up with me fighting
for my sanity
it felt like forever.

like the fire of hell, his eyes could burn down the entire room
with one hand holding up a real fire with a lighted cigarette
i held back panicked breaths
like a little child locked up in the dark
while seeing a sinister smile entirely
venom spit all over her body.

“you’re so pretty.”
“you’re so pretty.”
“you are mine.”
“you are mine.”

words that should have been heartwarming
melodies turned out to be a devil’s chant
the limbs of my body exposed fears
giving away whispering breaths of agony
hidden in my eyes are pleading looks of terror
with the drop of his pants comes the collapse of my world
the collapse of my future
the collapse of my dreams.

two bodies
two lungs
united as one
what was supposed to be an act of love turned out to be a devil’s deed
my face that looked so charming an hour ago is now a picture of horror
my heart which was so pure and innocent is now filled with madness and despise
my soul, so full of faith, is now completely lost.

i trembled at the sound of my frozen voice
i loathed the silence of my desperate breaths
i hated the sight of myself not strong enough to fight back
slowly the devil has risen from his deep demonic trance
offered me comforting words
but no, no amount of words could comfort me
no amount of begging for forgiveness could bring back the life he took
the future he robbed.

years after, i have become every poet’s muse
with all those little secrets hidden
and kept for so long
i am, in itself, poetry in the dark.

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7 Responses

  1. With my five years of exposure to women who were victims of abuse and violence, I realized one important thing: when a woman smiles, it doesn’t necessarily mean she is happy; sometimes (or maybe most of the time) she is just simply being strong.

    Thank you Dagmara for publishing this poem. It is my hope that this will create more awareness on the culture of abuse and violence.

    Happy International Women’s Day to all the amazing women..❤️

  2. It is challenging to write about rape or the experience of having been raped or sexually assaulted as a child. I applaud anyone who dares to talk about the act itself. Thank you, Mich. Yet when I was growing up, one out of every four women would be raped in their lifetime. The numbers are still close to the same today. Rape is a crime of aggression, it is not even a genuinely sexual crime. Many rapists are impotent and use objects to rape their victims. I have worked as a Sexual Assault Women’s Advocate, which took a very long training program, helping women who had been raped go through the whole process, including giving their statements to the police, etc. Having been sexually assaulted myself, we can not get too much exposure to this subject. Most rapists are white, and most rapes are committed by people the victim knows. Thank you, Mich, for sharing something that leaves deep scars with us.

    1. Thank you Joni for sharing your insights on this very senstitve topic most people won’t dare talk discuss – but someone has to do it. It was a very difficult write but I know I needed to write it especially after being able to talk to the victims themselves. And yes, in most cases, the victim’s perpetrator is some one they know.

      Thank you for all that you do too to the victims and for spreading awareness.

  4. I used to volunteer for the Rape Crisis Center on our campus. As a hotline volunteer, I learned a great deal about violence against women. This is tough topic, and you were able to depict it well in poetry.
    Barbara Leonhard

    1. I applaud you and women like you for finding the courage and time to volunteer and help. I hope more people will join us in this advocacy. Just recently, I heard from our local news that a woman was sexually assaulted by the driver she hired. What’s so frustrating was the lack of compassion from people who, the woman has asked help to.

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