The Evening I Held Her

The Evening I Held Her

written by: Vedant Dobwal

 

I remember…the evening I held her

The evening breeze was of a slight cold
And we were worn out.
Classes were draining us.

We thought to go out –
It was an escape from looping unrealms.
We talked about a moment
To be free, to let that moment
Carry us
Somewhere softer,
Somewhere relieved.

A bus was the ride we took,
Left behind college like a childhood
Uniform folded away.
The windows were half-closed,
But the wind still found its way through,
Carrying dust and quiet truths
That settle on our still faces.

I remember…

You sat by the window,
Your shadow carved against the dying day,
Head leaning gently on my shoulder.
There was no trying in you that evening –
Only the quiet fact of
Your being, your breath
Visible to the dimming air.

Wind caught your hair, moved it
Like it knew a secret about you,
Lifting strands towards me,
Carrying the scent of sleep and half-remembered dreams.
You smelled –
Like life before worries,
Like nights when we believed
We could catch shooting stars
In our fists.

You leaned in without a word,
Trusting my shoulders to hold “her” –
A little girl inside you,
The innocence…
Bus swayed,
Rocking your breath into mine,
Your warmth soaking through my skin.
You felt it sink to where only the greatest knowing lives.

It was when I knew
You
Weren’t just someone being warm,
Alive and true.
I promised from my rudimentary being
To protect, to praise,
To love, to get loose,
To You, to “Her.”

I realised then –

I don’t just love you.

You’re the very air I breathe
When the world feels too heavy,

You’re the sky I look up to
When I miss what freedom seems like,

You’re the day I wake up to
When sleep releases its hold,

You’re the night I fall asleep to
When dreams gather quietly in the corner of my mind.

And I wonder, if this is so beautiful
While I live, how devastatingly pretty
Would you be as the Death I end up to?

Oh…I still remember…

But have no idea what shall I do
Without Her,
Without You.