The World Ended Last Week
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written by: Kelly Jeanne
Fiona shouted out with concern, “Leland! Come here!”
Leland’s ears twitched. When Fiona, his better half, called – he’d better jump.
“What’s goin’ on?”
“Look outside.”
He dutifully took a peek out the living room window, then turned to his wife,
“I see nothing unusual.”
“They just announced on the news that the world ended last week!”
They both exchanged quizzical looks, while Leland sat with a thud on the arm of the sofa.
“Isn’t this the channel that prides itself on giving the most up-to-the-minute news?” he asked.
“So, what do we do, Leland?”
“From what I can see, life seems to be clipping along as usual. Verona just passed the house with her poodle. Casper was cussing along behind, having stepped in her poodle’s doo doo… again. The kids are playing in the street. Nothing seems to have changed.”
Fiona got up, walked over to her husband, trying to find some kind of solace.
“I guess you’re right. If the world had ended last week, it would stand to reason we wouldn’t be here, right?”
“Exactly!” Leland did his best to console her, although this whole matter was a bit unnerving for him as well. He didn’t dare let his wife know he felt just as perplexed.
“Are we in another kind of reality? You know, another dimension?”
Leland tried to reassure her while trying to keep himself together.
“Now, Fiona. Who or what could have moved us and for what reason, not to mention how?”
“I have no idea. Nothing makes sense anymore. I’ve read enough science fiction to know this might very well be an alternate universe.”
Leland got up, putting his arms around his shaking wife. “All I know is, it’s not going to do us any good if we lose our perspective. We have to remain calm about this. Please, honey.”
She walked into the bathroom to check herself in the mirror for any minute changes. As she did so, her husband kept trying to convince her that everything was alright.
“The point is,” Leland continued, “we are still here. Neither of us has changed.”
Still in the bathroom, she turned around and saw nothing. Then she checked her legs and found something strange on her left calf.
That wasn’t there yesterday!
Suddenly, panic set in. With fear in her voice and eyes as big as saucers, she ran into the living room.
“Leland! Take off your shirt!”
“Fiona, don’t tell me the end of the world is putting you in the mood!” he said, with a naughty chuckle.
“Don’t be silly! Take off your shirt!”
As usual, he dutifully complied. Upon its removal, Fiona checked every inch of his chest and back.
“What are you looking for?” he asked.
“I don’t know. While checking myself out, I saw a strange mark on my left calf.”
He let Fiona look him over. He knew that arguing with her would only escalate things.
“If it’ll make you feel any better, we can call the station and ask them what that broadcast was all about.”
“It’s after hours. We’ll probably get nothing but a stupid automated voice machine. We’ll have to wait until morning.”
“So, my pretty, have you found anything unusual yet?”
She grabbed at his belt buckle.
“Whoa, woman! The end of the world should happen more often!”
She ignored him as she pulled his pants down and let them fall around his ankles.
“See anything you like?” he said, with a twinkle in his eye.
She got down on her knees and kept searching, not knowing what she would find. Finally, with horror, she noticed a dark spot on the back of his left calf.
“Look here! What’s that?”
Perplexed, Leland looked down.
“I probably just bumped into something at the office earlier today.”
She froze, then backed away from him.
“That doesn’t look like a simple bruise, Leland! Are these microchips? I’m frightened! Let’s ask our friends if they’ve noticed anything unusual since the broadcast tonight.”
Fiona reached for her phone, but found herself shaking so badly, it proved difficult for her fingers to touch the keypad. Meanwhile, Leland put his pants back on.
“Here, let me help you,” he offered.
As he went for her phone, she pulled back.
“Fiona, I’m not the enemy.”
She didn’t know who to trust anymore. She’d been married to Leland for thirty-five years. She began sobbing as hot tears ran down her cheeks. Dread was all she felt.
Leland didn’t know what to do. He felt helpless. Finally, with some trepidation, he put his arms around her. All they could do was stand in the middle of the living room, holding onto each other for dear life, afraid that if either let the other go, they would somehow lose one another.
Meanwhile, the TV was still on. That same news anchor, who had made the earlier announcement, quickly broke through with another emergency broadcast.
“Ladies and gentlemen, we at WELW apologize for the previous announcement and are pleased to report the world has not ended! What we meant to say was, ‘The Unfurling Extended Past The Week.”
This, of course, was in reference to rogue nations that refused to unfurl their flags in solidarity with one another in the newly sanctioned ceremony at the United Nations.
“Again, please accept our sincerest apologies. We take you back to our regularly scheduled programming.”
“In the mood for ice cream?” Leland asked.
With that, Fiona grabbed her purse and coat as they headed out the door.
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