He was grateful to be alive, and even more grateful for the second chance. He was grateful for the chance to do good, to write his own ending. Charlene would’ve wanted that for him.
The memory of the homeless woman hit Stanely’s mind, and he remembered where he usually saw her. Somewhere on the street corner away from Sears Tower.
Stanley zipped up his coat and started walking.
***
Fifteen minutes later, Stanley saw the homeless woman he had seen the night before – the one who was so deep in despair that she took her own life. She was sitting down with a crude, handmade sign that asked for money. Stanley sat next to her and smiled.
“What do you want?” the woman asked.
“I want to know your story.”
“What?”
“I just want to know what happened that brought you here. Can you share?”
She blinked her eyes a few times, “I guess I can share, sir…”
“Don’t hold back anything.”
Her eyes widened, “What do you mean?”
“I want no unspared details about what you’ve survived, unless you feel it’ll help you, of course. So… what’s happened to you to have you get here?”
“I escaped a brutal household and became addicted to drugs. I sleep with men to get by, sleeping on couches often. I’m hiding from a lot. I’ve tried to get clean so many times, and I just can’t.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
“Thank you, sir. I’m getting by the best I can. Memory’s keeping me alive… of better times in the hell house I grew up in”
Stanley paused when he realized that when he took away her pain that night, he took away what encouraged her to keep living. Stanley fought back tears and swallowed the lump in his throat: “Do you have any family?”
“None to speak of, sir. A brother out there somewhere maybe.”
Stanley reached into his coat and pulled out his business card, “Come to the university. We’ve got openings for work and lodging. I’ll make sure you’re taken care of. I’m sorry that these things happened to you, and I’m sorry that people often judge you for things you can’t control.”
The woman burst into tears.
“It’s okay,” Stanley whispered. “What’s your name?”
The woman wiped away her tears, “Mary.”
Stanley smiled, “Mary,” he whispered.
Mary hugged him tightly. He returned the embrace
“Everything’s going to be okay now,” Stanley said. “We’re gonna get you cleaned up. It’ll be a hard journey, but you can do it. I know you can.”
“Thank you so much,” Mary whispered again.
“I’m glad you’re here,” Stanley whispered. “We all are. Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas!”
“Get your things in order and I’ll help you get checked into a rehab, okay?”
“Okay, sir… thank you.”
Stanley nodded, “It’s the least I can do.”
“I’m going to have a job!” Mary yelled. “I can’t believe it! Thank you, Lord, thank you!”
***
Stanley sat in church again and smiled as the hymns filled the sanctuary. He looked at Christ’s wounds on the cross and understood, finally, what the point of life is all about, what it means to be connected to humanity. What it means to truly love.
All of the social injustices that created Freddy and Mary’s hardships weren’t going to be solved overnight. Stanley knew the work to undo those systemic issues will last more than a lifetime. But, Stanley now figured it never hurt to hope if that hope pushed someone to repair the damage and own the harm.
Hope was certainly doing that for Stanley that Christmas Eve. Poverty won’t be eliminated overnight, neither will any of the prejudices and judgments that keep people contained. War will continue. But it takes foolish hope to fight back against it all and, even more foolish, to believe that good would win eventually.
However… if it’s foolish and naive to believe in that, then Stanley was willing to die a fool.
December 25
Stanley watched as Milly and William opened their presents excitedly. They didn’t know that Stanley had done some last-minute shopping. He wasn’t in the Christmas spirit normally, but given all he survived the night before, he knew it was the least he could do. Compassionate people were rare, and he should cherish the ones in his own life.
He heard the phantom’s voice in the back of his head, “Did you appreciate the gift?”
“I did. I will never take life for granted again.”
“Good, good. Would you ever want it back?”
“No. I’ll be okay.”
“Are you sure?”
Stanley and Milly made eye contact. She smiled, “Merry Christmas, Professor!”
“Merry Christmas,” Stanley smiled warmly.
“Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll be okay.”
The door opened and Ronald came walking in with more presents. Stanley laughed.
“My God, man,” Ronald shook his head. “How did you know the flight would be canceled?”
Stanley shrugged, “Just a hunch.”
“There’s dinner at the table and coffee,” William pointed towards the kitchen.
“Ah, yes,” Ronald said. “The place where Stanley curses the world with his words while I talk him off the existential ledge through the words of a Jewish carpenter.”
Stanley smirked and rolled his eyes.
***
“Tell me what’s going on between you and Lana,” Ronald raised his eyebrows as Stanley served him cake.
“There’s nothing going on,” Stanley replied as he sat down.
“I heard you two necked after my party.”
“We kissed, yes.”
“So?”
“So what?”
“Aren’t you going to ask her out?”
“I’m not sure.”
“What is wrong with you? Do I have to manage your life for you? Lana is great! What are you waiting for? You’re single and… fairly young, when I squint my eyes.”
“Thanks for the compliment, but I’m not sure Lana is my type. I don’t want to down her mood with my stuff, you know?”
“Maybe that’s an invitation to work on your ‘stuff.’ She practically presented herself to you and you didn’t take up the opportunity.”
“I barely know her.”
“Stanley… you’ve worked side by side with her for ten years. You know enough.”
Stanley rolled his eyes, “What if it happens again? What if I get so consumed in despair that I ruin things?”
“Stanley… you didn’t ruin things. Ashley left because of her own issues. You were in grief. You’ve always had your issues, but it’s not a sign that you’re permanently meant to be alone just because you’ve survived a lot. You deserve love too.”
“I suppose you’re right,” Stanley poured himself coffee. “It’s just all so fresh, you know? Ashley leaving me for Jason nearly destroyed me. I don’t think I can trust or love again. Not after that.”
“When you die, do you think you’ll regret staying safe? Staying in your lane?”
“Yeah, and I’m prepared for that consequence. I’m tired, Ron. And I don’t want to be broken again.”
Milly walked into the kitchen and glared at Stanley, “If you don’t go over there and ask that woman right now I’m going to set this place on fire.”
“You’re too sweet to do that,” Stanley sipped his coffee.
“Try me.”
***
Twenty minutes later, Stanley knocked on Lana’s door.
She opened it, surprised. Stanley smiled and pointed at the mistletoe hanging above the doorway.
“Oh!” Lana laughed. “Oh.”
“I’ve been an awfully strange man, haven’t I?” Stanley asked.
“That’s nothing new,” Lana replied.
Stanley raised his hand and brushed her hair back.
“Merry Christmas,” he whispered.
Lana smiled and leaned in. He embraced and kissed her gently.
Memories of Ashley hit him again. Painful ones. But then the good things came to mind too. The feelings of hope, longing. The feelings of home.
Stanley asked himself: what is life if we can’t take the risk of truly seeing and loving another person for who they are? What is life if we can’t forgive ourselves and others? Is it truly good to go through life without scars? Stanley didn’t think so.
In a way, Ashley’s divorce made this moment sweeter. The appreciation deeper. A sign of green pastures in a dark wintery landscape, stubbornly growing to show warm weather was on the way.
Stanley pulled his lips away and held Lana.
“Lord,” he whispered, “Keep my memory green.”
“Amen,” whispered Lana.
The End
- A Chicago Carol - December 24, 2024
