Nothing Ventured, prose written by RayFed at
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Nothing Ventured

Nothing Ventured

written by: RayFed



People talk about learning to love again.., well I’m not sure I even know what it was/is in the first place. Love for me, and in my family was always surrounded by paranoia, suspicion, an accusation, and alcohol-fueled diatribes. Later on, life added ultimate betrayal, lies and a deep-seated sadness in my chest to the list.
To me, this all sounds like the furthest thing away from love a person can get. Maybe a person has to get as far away from a feeling as you can in order to really appreciate it.

If we are always constantly growing and learning, I wonder what it is that I am learning? What will I grow to be? Where are my experiences taking me? I am afraid that there is nothing in this life that all this growing and learning is preparing me for. I believe in my heart that only my mind prepares itself for the next steps I must take in my journey.

Those feelings that I had as a teenager when I first left home come flooding through me and I shake and vibrate with all the emotions of that ignorant child of yesterday. But it is the tomorrow to come that I now shake and vibrate for and the hopeful anticipation that I may not lose myself at the end of all things.

Heterogeneous into hewn masked fettered pieces standing at the edge of the night, looking down my histories lost memories. There are words spoken and thoughts I keep in the night that are less proud beyond the light of day. I ventured a stare into the depths and I did let the storm wash over me…

… and it carried my soul awash, over the edge, into the abyss.

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