Old Flames
written by: Dilip Mohapatra
@dilipmo
Sandy loosened the seat belt and adjusted the lever of the recliner to suit his comfort. He then fixed the AirPods in his ears snugly and clicked on his favourite playlist on Spotify apps on his latest generation iPhone. The AirPods effectively canceled the noise of the aeroplane and the clear and sonorous voice of the ghazal maestro Ghulam Ali wafted in to levitate him into another world. He never gets tired of the ghazal ‘Chup ke Chup ke Raat Din…’ that fills him with nostalgia every time he listens to it. His eyes always become moist as the meaning of the ghazal sinks in: ‘I still remember shedding tears quietly and silently, all night and day. I still remember those days of love.’
Sandy nee Sandeep Sharma was a successful entrepreneur, the Chairman and founder of an IT consulting company, ‘Audacious Explorers’ which boasted of a significant market value and was counted as one of the best global Indian consulting companies giving a run for their money to reputed international companies like Meta Consulting Group. After graduating from the Indian Institute of Management, Ahmedabad he partnered with a friend to establish a start-up company in the consulting space, which over the years had blossomed into its current stature. Sandy in his early fifties lived with his wife and two children, one son and a daughter in Bangalore and was on the flight to Bhubaneswar. He was invited as the Chief Guest to preside over the annual convention of the Rotary International of Bhubaneswar district which was to be held at the Mayfair hotel, a seaside resort at Gopalpur-on-Sea. His busy schedule doesn’t permit him to participate in such events and generally, he declines such invitations but he made an exception this time. When he opened the invite from the stack of mail his secretary had put up to him, his heart fluttered when he found the name of the signatory on the invite. In the quiet corridors of memory where love’s embers never truly die, he found that the sender was none other than his college sweetheart Tanushree, who happened to be the district governor of the Rotary Club. There was also a small handwritten note that urged him to accept the invite. The handwriting was vivid in his mind though he was seeing a written note from her almost after three decades. He clearly remembered the handwriting which had a distinct touch unique to her. While mostly, people write in the cursive style hers was different, each letter independently written without joining with each other and the script resembled a printed sheet of text using the Times New Roman font. In fact, this style of her writing had caught Sandy’s attention way back in the late sixties when he first met her in the Chemistry laboratory of Ravenshaw College at Cuttack where they did their B Sc together. He had a chance to see her practical records which revealed her unique style of writing and he was stuck with awe. Another characteristic which had attracted him to her was her simplicity in dressing. While the other college girls came to the classes in vibrant colourful dresses she always chose white or pastel colours. He was not sure if she was also attracted to him. But he noticed that in the Chemistry lab while they did their respective experiments she used to cast at him enigmatic sideways glances and if their eyes met she flashed an equally mysterious smile that was bewitchingly magnetic. Sandy remembered how his titration results always faltered when such sly encounters happened. While he would slowly add the base solution from the buret into the flask below containing the colourless acid while constantly swirling it, his attention invariably got diverted at the crucial neutralization point when the colour changed. He thought of changing his experiment table but took the shortcut. He couldn’t afford to lose the opportunity of this silent and secret delightful communication between them. He greased the palms of the laboratory peon and managed to get the strength of the solution to fill up his records.
What started so very innocuously soon took concrete shape and both started seeing each other outside the classrooms. Sandy became a constant visitor to the ladies’ hostel where Tanushree resided and the initial meetings which centred around studies and exchange of books, soon turned into chatting sessions, mostly sharing sweet nothings. Before they could realise they were seen sitting in the visitors’ room holding each other’s hands and looking into each other’s eyes vacantly as if in a state of trance. Soon their affair became the gossip of the college corridors and they were admitted into the young lovers’ club which had the membership of quite a few pairs from various departments. The time flew away quickly as they completed their graduation. Sandy decided to pursue his higher studies in Management while Tanushri took admission in the local university to pursue her Master’s in Science. She had decided to pursue an academic career.
When Sandy saw the venue of the Rotary event as written on the invite as Hotel Mayfair at Gopalpur-on-Sea it rang a bell. During his college days, it was known as Palm Beach Hotel. Established by an Italian Signor Maglioni in the year 1914, it had the distinction of being the first beach resort in the country. Later it was taken over by the hotel tycoon Oberoi and in recent years by the Mayfair group of hotels. Its rustic splendours and serene surroundings made it a perfect place for retreat and was visited by well-heeled picnickers. Sandy remembered this place quite vividly which he and Tanushree visited during a weekend with some select friends to celebrate their graduation. During the campfire while the rest of the gang was busy singing and dancing he and Tanushree sneaked away towards a dilapidated jetty slightly away from the hotel’s private beach area. Here for the first time they held each other in an embrace, with some hesitation at first but soon their arms tightened around each other.
In that moment, their hearts raced in unison, a symphony of youthful fervor and trembling anticipation. Their intense embrace was a dance of discovery, where every touch was a revelation, every heartbeat a whispered secret. They clung to each other, not just with their arms, but with the raw, uncharted emotions that surged within them. It was an embrace that spoke of innocence and longing, of the thrill of the unknown and the delicate fear of what lay beyond.
As their faces drew closer, the world around them seemed to fade, leaving only the electric charge between their lips. Their first kiss was a hesitant brush, a tentative exploration that quickly deepened into a fervent connection. It was a kiss that tasted of dreams and promises, of the sweet and the uncertain. In that kiss, they found a universe of emotions, a blend of excitement and trepidation, of passion and vulnerability. It was a kiss that perhaps marked the beginning of everything and the end of their innocence. It was as if for them the time stood still. Both of them feeling almost feverish, disengaged and avoiding each other’s gaze slowly retraced their steps to the campfire site.
The next day they returned to Cuttack. Sandy packed his bags for Ahmedabad and Tanushree for Bhubaneswar. They didn’t even meet to say bye to each other. Before leaving for Ahmedabad Sandy had called her home to speak to her and was told that she was unavailable. Later he posted a letter to her and he received a curt reply asking him to forgive her for her behaviour at the Mayfair beach. Sandy was at his wits’ end and didn’t understand why she was cold-shouldering him. He asked one of his close friends to meet her and find out. What waited for him was a great shock. He learnt that her parents had fixed her marriage with a well-settled IAS officer, who was the collector of a district. He was frantic and rushed to Bhubaneswar to confront her. She refused to meet him. She called him later and told him to stay away and not to interfere in her marriage and her secured future, if he really loved her.
All of Ghulam Ali’s songs on his playlist were over, and the first song ‘Chupke Chupke…’ was looped back to play again. Sandy remembered how those painful days sucked him into the tortuous whirlwind of emotions and how he had cried silently while a helpless rage stirred within. He took out the invitation card from his briefcase, that was a stark reminder of a past that he thought he had buried. He looked at it vacantly and pondered:
Was it love? Or merely the folly of youth? He remembered the thrill of their secret meetings, the stolen glances, the whispered promises. But was that true love, or just infatuation? A fleeting fling, a flirtation that had spiraled out of control?
He pondered over the difference. Infatuation was a wildfire, burning bright and fast, leaving ashes in its wake. A fling was a brief, passionate encounter, exciting but ephemeral. Flirting was the playful dance of attraction, light and inconsequential. A crush was an innocent, unrequited admiration, sweet but naive.
But true love? True love was supposed to be enduring, steadfast, and selfless. It was supposed to withstand the test of time and trials. Had they ever had that? Or had he been chasing a mirage, a figment of his youthful imagination?
As he prepared to face her again, he couldn’t help but wonder: had she ever truly loved him, or had he been just another chapter in her quest for success? And more importantly, had he ever truly loved her, or had he been in love with the idea of love itself?
He woke up from the reverie as the pilot’s announcement wafted through the speakers, instructing the cabin crew to close up on landing stations, and the seat belt signs came up. As he came out of the Arrival hall, he was greeted by the event organizers with a bouquet of orchids and was escorted to a waiting limo that was to convey him to the venue, almost two hours away from Bhubaneswar.
He reached Mayfair, Gopalpur, at around five in the evening. The car stopped under the expansive porch, and the security guard rushed to open the door. He stepped out of the sleek black car and was greeted by the hotel’s manager. The salty sea breeze tousled his hair, carrying with it the distant sound of waves crashing against the shore. He paused for a moment, taking in the view of the azure ocean stretching endlessly before him, a stark contrast to the turmoil brewing within him.
The resort was a picture of tranquility, with its whitewashed walls and lush gardens, but Sandy’s mind was anything but peaceful. He had accepted the invitation to preside over the Rotary event only because it carried the signature of Tanushree, the very woman who had once shattered his heart almost three decades ago. The invitation had come as a surprise, stirring up old memories and unresolved emotions.
As he walked through the grand entrance, the cool air of the lobby enveloped him, a welcome respite from the heat outside. The decor was elegant, with marble floors and tasteful art adorning the walls. Sandy’s eyes scanned the room, searching for familiar faces, but he found none. He checked in at the reception, her fingers tapping nervously on the counter.
“Welcome to Mayfair Seaside Resort, Mr. Sandeep,” the receptionist said with a warm smile. “We hope you enjoy your stay,” and handed over the key card.
Sandy nodded, forcing a polite smile in return. He took the key card and headed towards the room, escorted by the bellboy, his mind racing with thoughts of the upcoming event and the inevitable encounter with his past. The corridors were quiet, the only sound being the soft hum of the air conditioning. He reached his room and opened the door, stepping into a space that was both luxurious and serene. It was the hotel’s exclusive Imperial Suite specially reserved for him.
The room overlooked the ocean, with large windows that let in the golden light of the setting sun. Sandy walked over to the balcony, leaning against the railing as he watched the waves dance in the fading light. He took a deep breath, trying to steady his nerves. This was just another business event, he told himself, but deep down he knew it was much more than that. It was the same very place, where he had experienced the subtle yet carnal taste of his first love, and the memories were indelible. It may now be a confrontation between the present realities and the ghosts of his past.
To take his mind off the gnawing feelings and to assuage his tiredness due to his long air and road travel, he needed some relaxation. He called up the hotel’s Spa Services to avail of their massage services followed by a soak in the soothing waters of the hot tub. The dip literally melted away all his stress, tension, and weariness. He came out of the spa fully refreshed and rejuvenated. He then changed into evening formals, had an exquisite cocktail at the hotel’s well-stocked bar, and proceeded for his dinner. He believed in the maxim: ‘early to bed and early to rise.’ Over the years he had picked up another interesting habit. Whenever he visited a seaside resort, he always loved to enjoy a swim in the sea during the early hours of the dawn and watch the crimson sun rising over the distant horizon. He called home to wish his wife Lara good night and pulled the soft quilt over him.
Exactly at five in the morning, he got up from bed and quickly completed his morning routine. He then packed the beach towel and his swimwear in a beach bag and walked down the central corridor of the hotel leading to the sea. He changed in the makeshift change room that the hotel had constructed for the delegates on the beach itself and carefreely walked into the sea.
Sandy had always found solace in the sea, especially in the quiet moments before dawn. The world was still cloaked in darkness, with only the faintest hint of a reddish light on the horizon. The water was cool against his skin as he swam, each stroke bringing him a sense of peace and clarity. The ethereal light of the pre-dawn cast a mystical glow over the ocean, making everything seem otherworldly.
As he swam further out, he noticed the silhouette of a woman sitting at the edge of a broken, dilapidated jetty. He remembered the jetty, where he and Tanushree had spent those unforgettable intense moments about three decades ago. The figure was shrouded in shadows, but there was something hauntingly familiar about her. Sandy’s heart skipped a beat. Could it be a wayward sea siren or a mermaid who had lost her way? He shook his head, chiding himself for such fanciful thoughts, but curiosity got the better of him.
He swam closer, the water parting silently around him. As he neared the jetty, the figure became clearer. His breath caught in his throat as he recognized her. It was his old flame, looking just as she had nearly three decades ago. Time seemed to stand still as he stared at her, a mix of shock, disbelief, and a strange sense of longing washing over him.
The woman beckoned him alluringly, her movements graceful and almost ethereal. Sandy’s heart pounded in his chest as he swam closer, unable to tear his eyes away from her. When he finally reached the jetty, he pulled himself up, water dripping from his body. He stood there, staring at her in stunned silence.
“Oh my God,” he exclaimed, his voice barely more than a whisper. “What are you doing here at this time? I expected to meet you later at the convention.”
Her eyes held a mysterious glint, and she smiled softly but said nothing. Sandy felt a shiver run down his spine, a sense of unease mingling with the joy of seeing her again. The next moment he remembered her betrayal, and the momentary joy changed into subdued anger. But for now, all he could see was the woman he had once loved, standing before him as if no time had passed at all.
‘Hi Sandy, you won’t be able to fathom how glad I am to see you after all these years, standing here so close to me. Do you remember this place? Well, I can’t forget those few moments that we shared together.’
‘What’s the point in talking about it now? For me, it’s done and dusted, buried deep down which can never be dug out.’
‘Don’t say that, my dear. You had been my first love and would always remain so. Please forget about the past. Here I am. This is the present. I have detached and freed myself from all my worldly obligations and am waiting for you. Take me in your arms. Give me the same very kiss with the same very passion, that you gave me years ago. Let’s get united. Forever. Till eternity.’
‘Are you out of your mind? Do you know what you are saying? Have you ever thought about my obligations to Lara and my kids? We could have lived our life together but you made your choice. Did you ever try to find out what all I had to go through emotionally?’
‘How about you? Did you ever try to find out what happened to me? How happy was I?’
‘Hold on, do you remember what were your last words before we went our own separate ways? You only told me to stay away from you if I truly loved you. I thought my love for you was true and I respected your wish. Though till today I am trying to find out if we ever loved each other?’
‘You might have your doubts. But I am certain that our love was true and both of us were victims of circumstances. If our love wasn’t true, I wouldn’t have been here begging you to take me in your arms. Look, the sun is
about to come up. Let’s both of us swim into the sea and seek its blessings. Let’s not say a word to each other. Let the sea and the sun decide for us. You will see the light and when we return, you will realize how honest I am, and we will achieve our salvation together.’
‘Just a moment, aren’t you going a bit fast? Have you forgotten that the sea in the direction of the rising sun here is rather unsafe and unpredictable? There have been many deaths by drowning due to strong undercurrents. Let me think about your proposition. Now that the sun is up on the horizon, let’s go back to the hotel and prepare for the event. Once the event is done, we will sit comfortably and discuss. I am sure we will find the best solution.’
He started walking on the jetty towards the beach. Tanushree followed him quietly. They walked along the shore, the silence between them filled with the whispers of the waves. The sun began to rise, casting a soft, golden hue over the water. The air was crisp, carrying the faint scent of salt and seaweed. They stopped near the makeshift change rooms, a relic of simpler times. Sandy and Tanushree entered their respective stalls to shower and change. The cool water washed away the salt and sand, but not the memories.
When Sandy emerged, the beach was eerily quiet. The only sounds were the distant cries of seagulls and the gentle lapping of waves. There was no sign of Tanushree. He glanced around, puzzled. She must have changed quickly and headed back to the hotel, he thought. With a growing sense of unease, he made his way back, the sand crunching under his feet.
As he approached the hotel, a crowd had gathered. An ambulance was parked at the entrance, its lights flashing ominously. The air was thick with tension and the murmur of concerned voices. Paramedics were carefully lifting a body draped in white onto a stretcher. Sandy’s heart pounded in his chest. He grabbed the arm of a nearby Rotary member, his voice trembling, “What happened?”
The member’s face was pale. “It’s the District Governor. She met with a fatal accident on her way here.”
Sandy stood there, his mind reeling. The world around him blurred as he struggled to process the news. How could this be possible? He had just seen her, spoken to her. How could the old flames that had flickered to life moments ago be extinguished forever?
The realization hit him like a tidal wave. If Tanushree was gone, how would he get the chance to convince her to return to her life? Because he was quite sure, the embers of their old love could never be rekindled without leaving destruction and devastation in their wake.
Desperation clawed at him. He turned and ran, his feet pounding against the pavement. He retraced his steps to the beach, his breath coming in ragged gasps. The salty air stung his lungs, and the morning chill bit at his skin. He crossed the change rooms and stopped, his eyes scanning the shoreline.
The beach stretched out before him, empty and desolate. The soft morning light cast long shadows on the sand. His gaze swept the beach, and he saw only one set of fresh footprints: his own.
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