The Bureau of Boredom Reports Seven Pains of The Present
written by: Oliver J. Brooks
“There is no one who loves pain itself, who seeks after it and wants to have it, simply because it is pain…” – Cicero, in de Finibus Bonorum et Malorum, a treatise on the theory of ethics
i. Consider what price is paid for laughter.
ii. For mourners, complete freedom is nothing more than a tank prowling toward a front porch.
iii. Homework is a form of free expression. Stress is a clinical need. Those opposing these statements will be presented with truth presently.
iv. Live soft. Pillows and dandelions are nutritious for the soul. Live by the advice the consumer receives in the present political environment. Live life to your fullest economic advantage, and your soul will be freed.
v. Timing is vital, and not an easy thing. Studies suggest that for most people, their chances are long gone.
vi. Tomorrow: pain. An unbearable heat. But then, laughter. Unfortunately, not freedom. This weather report has not been brought to you by the subconscious of Al Roker.
vii. Give an elephant a peanut and call it a healthy meal, already… and all that. In other news, there will be no more news.
- The Bureau of Boredom Reports Seven Pains of The Present - February 27, 2023