Winter Rose
written by: Skylar Sturtevant
On an oppressively cold winter’s night, the wind gnawed at my face and howled like a dread wolf as I knelt in the courtyard; I was in solitude, save for crows overhead, as I held a single black, undying rose. The thorns pierced my hand, but I could not bring myself to relinquish the flower. Looking upon the melancholy scene before me, I saw the black manor overlooking the bleak horizon in the distance atop the snow-covered hill.
A pervasive sorrow lay upon my shoulders as I looked at the place I now called home. My wife’s family had left us a large sum of money and their manor when they died of influenza a year ago to this day, but I still couldn’t bring myself to enter the home. Kneeling in the courtyard with the black rose in one hand, I gripped the antique key in the other. My wife, Elisabeth, placed her hand on my shoulder.
“You know, love,” she said, “you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. We can return to Munich and live our lives. There is no need to do this simply because I had desired it once. We can sell the manor.”
Resting my hand upon hers, I gathered the strength to stand.
“No. It is what is right, even if it is difficult to ascertain this feeling.”
The windows shuttered. A chill slithered down my neck.
“Do you remember the day that we met?” I asked.
“I do. You tried so desperately to get my attention that my father ran out to shoo you away. I thought it was cute but-.”
“But your father thought I was low-born- undeserving of your time.” I interrupted.
“Which didn’t stop me from sneaking into the backyard to get glimpses of you. You had sneaked over and got as close as you could before the hounds started to bark and alerted my father. You nearly fell as he chased you that night, but you got away. He had forbidden me from seeing you, but I watched from my window every night.”
I smiled. “I looked forward to those glimpses by the moonlight. I envied the moon’s ability to touch you.”
“I have an idea.”
Elisabeth took the key from my hand and ran to the manor. She opened the creaky wooden doors and ran up to the balcony. She opened the windows and rested her arms on the pane, waving for me to come in. I took a deep breath and walked up the stone stairs.
The inside of the manor reeked of mothballs and the mildew of ancient books. I had never seen the inside of Elisabeth’s childhood home before, but this new experience brought me no comfort. It was as if the very walls were watching me as I made my way to the balcony. Her joyful laughter juxtaposed with the overarching dreadful coldness of the manor unnerved me. I didn’t understand how a place like this could bring her anything but misery. Despite my melancholy, I smiled at the sound of her laugh. I climbed the stairs to the balcony.
“How do I look?” Elisabeth said behind me.
She caught me by surprise as I thought I had heard her in the other room. My jaw dropped when I saw her.
Elisabeth was wearing her wedding dress.
“How?” I asked. I thought she had lost it in the fire.
“It never burned, Mikkel,” she said with a longing smile.
She was as beautiful as the day I met her. Her long, raven-black hair draped below her breasts while her pale skin glowed in the moonlight. Her white dress veiled her face as she reached a thin hand toward me. I placed the black rose in my jacket pocket and took it.
She led me to the black lamplit library. Intricate woodwork filled the room with decorative trim, ornate carvings, and two portraits of my late in-laws above the bookshelves. Elisabeth placed a record onto the player and put the needle on top. Beethoven’s “Moonlight Sonata,” our wedding song, played. I smiled at the memory. We danced as our souls combined as one while we listened. Waltzing to the song, it felt like we were two long-lost lovers reuniting after a years-long voyage at sea. When the song was finished, she kissed me on the forehead. I took her in my arms and nearly wept.
“What’s wrong, love?” she asked me.
“I don’t know. A lot of emotions at once. I missed you.”
“I’ve never left you, Mikkel. It’s okay.”
I embraced her.
“Stay here with me forever,” she said.
I nodded and closed my eyes. She placed her hand on my cheek and turned my head toward her old bedroom. I had dreamt of going in there as a boy while admiring her from afar. The royal purple bed curtains drooped onto her king-sized ornate bed. The chandelier was gold and intricately designed. It looked like a Michelangelo painting. We never were able to enter the room in our childhood, her father saw to that. She urged me forward.
We entered the bedroom and embraced. The golden mirror on her vanity showed me in my tattered suit, disheveled black hair, and red, bagged eyes. I hadn’t taken care of myself since our home burned down. Many sleepless nights came after the loss of…
Elisabeth turned my head away from the vanity and to her. She kissed me with a passion that I hadn’t felt for years. My desperation must have been obvious as I lifted her in my arms and turned towards the bed. I took one more sideways glance at the mirror and saw that my arms were empty.
My heart began racing as I set her back down.
“What’s the matter, love?” she asked.
“Nothing is the matter, I just have to use the bathroom before we go to bed. D-don’t worry at all.” I said between an unconvincing stutter.
She raised an eyebrow at me, “Don’t be too long!”
What was that? Was the manor playing tricks on me?
I returned to the library and noticed the books had changed. What were once books kept in pristine condition mere moments ago were now stained and covered with mold. The record player was not present either, as I walked to the window, retrieving a small, broken piece of glass.
I crept toward Elisabeth’s old bedroom, making sure that she couldn’t see me. She was sitting on the edge of the bed and brushing her hair while looking at the family mausoleum outside the window. I held the glass to my eye and turned my back to Elisabeth. I saw only an empty bed where she should have been. Sweat ran down my neck, and my hand trembled, causing me to drop the glass on the floor. I turned around, and Elisabeth was right in front of me. Jumping backward, she took my hand and pulled me in an embrace. My heart was beating out of my chest, but she held me close. She placed one hand on my head, and I froze. She rubbed my disheveled hair and told me everything would be okay. It was a hold that promised to never let me go. Strangely, I calmed, and she released me.
“Come with me,” she said, dragging me towards the bed.
I took her hand and saw that my reflection was alone once again.
“Mikkel, stay. Just– lay with me,” she said, lying naked on the bed.
I took the rose out of my pocket and started to take off my jacket. Her beauty was immeasurable, and I no longer cared about the reflection, the room, or anything else. I held the flower and looked at my wife. Admiring her, I walked towards the bed in a trance-like chokehold. I wanted to stay here in this room with her forever, but with a deep breath and quivering hands, I placed the flower on her bare chest and kissed her forehead. I blinked the tears from my eyes and saw the bedroom for what it was, however. Life has a cruel tendency to shatter falsehoods- I’d have rather had the illusion.
The inside of the manor faded, and I was standing in the snow. The icy wind howled and slashed across my face. Tears froze on my cheeks as I looked down at the cold ground. I didn’t know if I had the strength to continue living in reality, but I knew that she would have wanted me to try. I turned and rode away from the manor, leaving a single black rose on Elisabeth’s tomb.
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