A New Nose for Rudolph
written by: Penny Rogers
Waiting on Christmas Eve, Neil was used to it by now. For more than 46 years, he had spent long hours in anticipation on December 24, and it was happening again. The problem now was that this Christmas, he wasn’t expecting anything. He thought back to his childhood when he’d waited for Father Christmas, fighting sleep as he ran through the list of toys and treats he wanted so much. Some years, he got his wish; he particularly recalled an army tank, complete with removable cannons and a place on the turret for a gunner. He wondered what had happened to that tank; maybe lost in one of the family’s frequent moves, broken by his mum in one of her rages, or sold for a few pence by his dad when he needed a drink. The memory of waiting for Dad to come home, only to be terrified by the drunken violence when he did, was something else Neil would never forget.
Then he had waited for Debbie. He wondered where she was now. For years after she left, he clung to the hope that one day, perhaps one Christmas Eve, she would come home to him and the kids, but she never did. They gave up waiting for her long before he did, and deep down, he still held onto the idea that she might come back, but he also realised that that possibility was as remote as the trip to Disneyland that his mum had always promised him would happen ‘next year.’
His phone told him that it was 9.30, too early to go to bed, and too early to have a whisky mac. He never had one until 11.55; the effect of his dad’s drinking had made him wary of alcohol. He thought about Danny. On the mantelpiece was a card from him. Evidently, it was possible to buy Christmas cards in HMP Barstwick. He took the card down and read it for the umpteenth time. ‘Have a good Christmas. I’ll call you at 9.30 on Christmas morning.’ Now that was something to look forward to, but Neil wasn’t sure what to say to his son. Phone calls from prison were always strained. Neil decided he would tell Danny that when he was released in March, he could come and stay with him for a bit if he wanted to.
There was no card on the mantelpiece from Tanya. There never was anything in writing from his daughter. She was travelling; the last he heard, she was in Indonesia, and her main method of communication was WhatsApp. Usually, a text message, especially if she was somewhere special, like when she was with the Komodo Dragons; sometimes she’d call, and occasionally she’d do a video message. It didn’t occur to Neil that he could message her. He waited for her to get in touch, like he did for everything else.
In his fridge was a Christmas dinner for one. All he had to do was put it in the oven for twenty minutes, and he’d have turkey and all the trimmings. It didn’t sound very appetising, but there was no point in cooking just for him. He hoped that Danny would get a Christmas dinner of some sort in Barstwick. As a little boy, he always hated Brussels sprouts but insisted on having them with the turkey. He’d solemnly eat one, drink some cola to take away the taste, and then tuck into everything else with relish. Neil knew that inside, everything could be used as currency, maybe even Brussels sprouts. He doubted that small cabbages of any sort would be on the menu in Indonesia.
He turned the TV on. It was the usual selection of relentless jollity and quizzes, all filmed in July with celebrities in funny hats and Christmas sweaters. ‘Cotton wool for the eyes,’ he said out loud. Then he heard it. Knock Knock Knock. There was someone at the door.
He turned the sound off on the TV and walked slowly to the door. There was another knock, and a woman’s voice said, ‘Are you in? It’s only me’. For a moment, his heart stood still. Debbie? But no, after the kids left home, he’d moved to a new town, got a new job, and bought a flat. She wouldn’t be able to find him. So who was it?
‘Hello. Who’s there?’
‘It’s me. Liz from upstairs. Have you got a minute?’
‘Yeah,’ he opened the door, ‘I didn’t recognise your voice. Come in.’
***
It was late evening on Christmas Day when Neil eventually got to enjoy his dinner for one. As he ate a sprout, he thought about his conversation with Danny. He was finding prison tough; that much was clear from the monosyllabic answers he gave to Neil’s questions. The clock was ticking; Danny was only allowed five minutes.
‘When they let you out, d’you fancy coming home for a bit?’ Neil fought to keep his voice steady.
‘You don’t want me.’
‘I do, Dan, I’m your Dad, there’s a room waiting for you here.’
‘I’ll think about it.’
‘Let me know.’
‘Thanks, Dad. That means a lot. Gotta go now.’
As the call from Danny ended, there was the expected knock on the door. ‘Coming, Liz.’ No time to think about the conversation with his boy, he had work to do. He drove his neighbour to the community centre.
‘This is really kind of you, especially at such short notice. I only found out yesterday afternoon that we were short of volunteers. You are a lifesaver.’
Neil muttered something like ‘No problem. Happy to help.’ But he was thinking how nice it was to have somebody in the car with him and how good it was to be doing something different. He had never even considered volunteering; he’d always assumed that voluntary work was for old ladies with time on their hands, and he was amazed to see the motley group of people already at the centre and setting up for a Christmas dinner.
‘How many people are coming?’ he asked the lad he was helping to carry and unfold tables.
‘Job to say, we cater for 75, but sometimes we get a few more. Most people book, but there are always a few who turn up at the last minute.’
‘How long have you been doing this?
‘Three years. I’ve done it since I went to university.’
‘Don’t your family mind? You not being there on Christmas Day?
‘Oh no. We just have our dinner on Boxing Day. Can you put some of these crackers round?’
***
By the end of the day, Neil was tired but happy. He was also wearing a Christmas sweater that had seen better days. He looked down at the reindeer with a tatty bobble for a nose; he’d been given it by a man called Alf, who thought that everyone MUST wear a festive sweater at a Christmas party. He’d taken it off his scrawny body and handed it with pride to Neil. This man with so little had given him a present. Suppressing a desire to put it straight in the bin, Neil pulled the malodorous garment over his head. The look of joy on Alf’s face convinced Neil he’d done the right thing. ‘I’ll wear this every Christmas,’ he promised Alf. ‘It’ll have a good wash first,’ he vowed to himself.
As he drove home with Liz, he found himself asking her if she was doing anything tomorrow, and if she wasn’t, would she like to go for a walk along the riverbank, perhaps have a drink at The Dog and Duck.
‘Oooh, yes. I’d love that. We used to go there.’
‘We?’
‘Yes, me and Martin. My husband. He died two years ago.’
Neil thought he’d put his foot right in it and mumbled, ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t know.’
‘Of course you didn’t. It’s ok. What about you?’
‘Can I tell you tomorrow?’
‘Sure. I’ll knock on your door at 11.00 if that’s ok?
The dinner for one was almost finished. Neil saved a roastie and used it to mop up the last of the gravy. The idea of cooking for someone else and not relying on ready meals came unbidden into Neil’s head. He’d cook for Danny when, and if, he came home, and for the first time, he thought about Tanya. He looked at the clock. It was 10.30, too late to call her now. If he rang her first thing tomorrow, it would be early afternoon in Indonesia. He realised that he always waited for her to call him; this time, he would be, what was the word, proactive!
‘What’s wrong, Dad. Are you OK? Is it Dan?’
‘He’s fine; he’ll be out in March. All good here. I just wanted to talk to you, wish you Happy Christmas, and all that. I meant to do it yesterday, but I was busy helping out at a community lunch for people who are lonely, homeless, living rough, that sort of thing.’
‘Dad, that’s amazing. I’m so proud of you. What are you doing today?’
‘Going for a walk.’ Neil thought that was enough information for now.
‘Look, Dad, I think you ought to know that I’ve heard from Mum.’
Neil felt his heart lurch in his chest. Just as things were starting to look more positive, here was Debbie throwing a spanner in the works. ‘How did she find you? What did she say?’
‘Tracked me down on the socials. She’s ok, living in South Africa with a fella who does contract work on luxury yachts or something like that. She asked about Danny. I didn’t tell her anything, it’s been too long. I just said we were all well, but that she’d left it too late to get back in touch. I hope that’s ok, Dad, if you want to…’
‘No, I don’t, Tanya. She left us to get on with our lives, and that’s what we’ve done.’ As he said this, Neil felt as if a heavy weight had lifted from him. He really was free of his ex-wife.
He heard Tanya say, ‘I’ll be home in March.’
‘Wonderful, we can have a good old family reunion. I might wear a new sweater I’ve got.’ He told her about the conversation he’d had with her brother, and she said she’d encourage him to take up their Dad’s offer of a place to stay.
‘I think he’s looking for a completely fresh start. New town, new opportunities, let’s hope he makes it work.’
***
The Boxing Day walk with Liz was everything Neil had ever dreamed of. She was good company and a great listener. As he talked to her, he realised that he’d spent a lot of time waiting for something to happen and not enough time looking forward and making it happen. They stopped at The Dog and Duck for lunch. As he tucked into turkey pie and mash, Neil made a mental list of things to do.
‘What are you thinking about?’ Liz smiled at him.
‘Sort of early new year resolutions, I suppose. Nothing too exciting; just things like “do stuff apart from work and watching box sets”.’
‘Stuff such as…?’
‘Get Danny’s room ready, cook proper food and…’ he paused, ‘…see if I can help at the Community Centre on a regular basis.’
‘That can be arranged.’ Liz picked up their glasses. ‘But before that, you need a new nose for that poor reindeer. It’s threadbare!’
‘Can you buy noses for sweaters?’
‘No need, I’ll make one.’ Liz laughed. ‘I’ve got some red wool; it’ll make all the difference. Meanwhile, I think we deserve another drink before we walk home.’
***
Danny came out of Barstwick in March. Neil watched him step through the prison gates and walk towards the car; he looked so thin, pale, and sad. ‘It’ll be ok kiddo,’ was all he could say as he took Danny’s rucksack and carrier bag and put them on the back seat, ‘It’ll be fine. One step at a time’.
‘Tanya said she’s arriving tomorrow and that you’re going to cook Christmas dinner.’
Neil judged it was too soon to mention Liz, though he hoped to introduce her to Tanya and Dan soon, maybe tomorrow? He’d have to wait and see, mustn’t rush this newfound freedom for him and his son.
‘Yeah, that’s right. I’m cooking, turkey and all the trimmings, and I’m gonna wear a Christmas sweater, with a reindeer on the front. It’s an old sweater with a new red nose. That’s another story, let’s get home first.’
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