Suicide
written by: Nancy E. Campos
@NancyECampos1
You say it’s the easy way out
Shut your mouth, you have no idea what my pain is about
The feeling of being out of control
How every thought digs a darker hole
Thoughts you can’t escape you can’t erase
The anxiety makes you sweat and your heart starts to race
I have nowhere to run nowhere to hide
As I sit in the dark and begin to cry I start to ponder it “Suicide”
Please make it stop make the darkness go away
I’m tired of always feeling this way
If I can just make it stop and catch my breath
Perhaps I can stop contemplating death
It’s an obsession of mine
I think of it all the time
How sweet the eternal slumber would be
To just let go and oh to be free
Then the memories crash my thoughts
Of all the small battles that I fought
How at the end of the day
I didn’t allow death to have its way
Today I won, victory is mine
As my head rests on my pillow and I can close my eyes
For those who pretend to understand
You don’t know shit till you’ve felt the pain
You tell me to have faith, trust and leave those thoughts
You’re not making sense I can’t connect the dots
I’m looking for relief a way to forget
So I won’t do something I know I won’t live to regret
You tell me you’ll pray for me to get better
But all you are saying in my head sounds like chatter
You wanna know how it is that I think
I couldn’t tell you I confused even my shrink
Hush, don’t say those words
Believe me, there is nothing I haven’t heard
I have to fight this shit everyday
I know I can beat this there has to be a way
Don’t tell me it’s easy that you know I can beat it
It’s not your words but my will to commit
I will beat the darkness
Even if my methods seem heartless
This battle, I have fought alone
To the loneliness accustomed I have grown
This is one battle I refuse to lose
For at this moment it is Life that I choose
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