Amygdala
written by: Alice Blackwell
I do not feel safe within the confines of my brain
But there is a process preventing progression
I’ve never felt safe before
How am I supposed to feel?
What sounds should vibrate my inner ear?
It can’t be this, “For an intelligent woman, you make incredibly dumb assumptions.”
Or this, “I’m sick of hearing about you leaving me also. If it ever comes up again, you’d better already be packed and out.”
My fight & flight are firing and I’m caught in the midst of poor decision making
Leaving & staying makes my predicament worse
And medication does not provide my brain with liberation
From the cyclic thought patterns that inhibit my nervous system
I’m anxiously caught between love and tragedy with one false move disrupting the delicate balance
I wish I could solve this problem we find ourselves in
We could avoid lost opportunities for intimacy and connection
We could progress our fragile relationship built on secrecy and stolen moments
Maybe we should have protected ourselves, as you did in the beginning
Would I still feel uneasiness bubbling up my esophagus
Would we still be half-committed, scared to fully commit because of happenstance?
Would we still look at each other the same without underlying emotions of resentment, jealousy, fear and blame?
Tell me, would I feel safe?
Tell me, am I safe?
My reality is skewed by murkiness and aspects are jaded
I’m deadlocked and it’s masking as a schizoaffective disorder
There are no visual or auditory hallucinations; it’s just me justifying my poor decisions
My amygdala is attacking me & I need help
But I don’t know how to ask
I don’t want to feel anymore
I want my brain to stop hurting me
I am not safe
From myself
- Amygdala - June 6, 2026
- Trauma Bonded - February 19, 2026
