Scan
written by: Wizz Inasia
I don’t know where to start,
To explain what I feel,
When it’s a matter from the heart,
It’s true and I know it’s real,
Inside I feel sad and low,
Isolated from the sight,
It feels like a heavy blow,
I barely slept last night.
When I first made you take the test,
I knew positive it would be,
I knew that you were pregnant,
I had a feeling inside of me,
I used to watch you lie on the bed,
And gently touch your womb,
I saw it a few times at first,
And it was then I knew.
You always said to me many times,
My mum tell me no baby,
I didn’t know how you really felt,
If you wanted really, or just maybe.
And as the weeks went by and by,
I thought maybe you were happy,
I thought it’s what you might have liked,
But you pushed further from me,
And as today when we go,
You do it without me,
I wanted to be there for you,
The ultrasound I need to see,
But you don’t say anything
And don’t even ask or tell me what they do,
When I try to pull you close,
You push me away from you,
I try to hug you so you know,
We can deal with this together,
To be close and deal with anything,
Not alone not now not ever.
Then you just take the money,
And tell me to go away,
Like this is not my problem too,
Like it’s not hard for me today.
You angry with me I can tell,
I see hate in your eye,
But you tell me you never want,
Right now I want to cry.
I said nothing to you today,
To give you time to be sure,
It’s what you really want,
To have it inside no more.
It cannot be my choice to make,
My body it is not,
I hate to think it will hurt you,
Don’t want you to hurt a lot
You think that I am cold and hard,
And that I never care,
But I just don’t say anything,
For me to confuse you is not fair.
Is your body I cannot choose,
To put you through 9 month wait,
When you tell me you never want,
And your mum will hate.
I’m sad you told me to go,
Feel like you kick my chest,
When I try to stay to support you,
Like an unwelcome guest.
This is not just your pain,
I know you will be sore
I don’t sleep barely at all,
Worry just like before.
But now as I sit on my bed,
Alone and feeling sad,
When I should have been allowed to be there,
And now I’m feeling bad.
Push me away from something that,
I’m a part of too,
Like it’s only a big deal,
To not me, only you.
But I just want you to know,
That I am in pain too,
And I now I sit in pain alone,
When I should have been with you.
You have just showed me today,
That if we have a hard ride,
You will just push me away,
When I try stand by your side.
The next few days will be hard,
We have a lot to think about,
What we did what happened,
And why you kick me out.
- Scan - July 9, 2021
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- Black Dog Day - January 20, 2021
